Putting on the "New Man" at Home II

Colossians 3:22-4:1.  This sermon was preached by Pastor Marty Bonner on August 5, 2018 and is the 2^nd part of a sermon that was preached on July 22, 2018.  If you haven’t read or listened to it first then please do so.

Today we pick up where we left off several weeks ago.  In summary this section is about believers in Christ taking off the “old man” and putting on the “new man.”  Of course the old man that we put off is our own nature with its thoughts, feelings, and desires.  The New Man that we are putting on is Christ.

When we stopped in part I, we had begun talking about what it means for a slave to “put on the new man.”  This relationship between masters and slaves was very common in those days and could not be overlooked.  Though western societies may be able to say that they don’t have slaves anymore, we must be careful of discounting these words as no longer relevant, or as morally corrupt.  As I said in part I, the western world has simply taken the slave class and added them to the poor class.  Though they are no longer owned as property by another, they still are at the mercy of those around them who have money and jobs in order to make a living.  Thus these words should be seen as speaking to the relationship of the fortunate and the less fortunate, the haves and the have-nots.

Slaves obey your masters

In verse 22, slaves are told to obey their masters.  In fact, they are challenged and commanded to please God by working hard even when the earthly master isn’t looking.  This is to be done out of a sincere heart that fears God.

In case you haven’t spent time thinking about why even the New Testament emphasizes a positive aspect to a fear of the Lord, I will take a few moments to stir your thinking on this.  It is easy to say something that goes like this.  Fear was proper when people were under the Law of Moses.  But now that we are free in Christ we should no longer fear God.  Besides, doesn’t the Bible say that “Perfect love casts out all fear?”  The problem is that this one verse is not all that is spoken in the New Testament about fear.  We cannot ignore all the other verses, like this one here, and others like Philippians 2:12.

“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling;” (NKJV)

The perfect love of God casts out all the fear in regards to His heart towards us.  When you recognize Jesus is on the cross for your sins, you no longer fear that He doesn’t love you.  You know that He has laid down His life for you.  However, this is not what the phrase “fearing God” means in verse 22.  There it is talking about the restraint we should have when tempted to sin.  Like Joseph when he was being seduced by Potiphar’s wife, we must shudder at the thought of sinning against The One who was willing to die for us.  When we are walking in harmony with God we are secure in His love and need not fear that He will change His mind.  However, when we are tempted by sin, we should shrink back from the hideous thought of betraying our Lord’s sacrifice, not because He will quit loving us, but because I might quit loving Him and become an adulterer at heart.  To summarize, the fear that is cast out is in regard to God’s love.  The fear that should remain is in regard to sin’s ability to pull our heart away from the Lord and destroy us.

In verse 23, Paul adds that they should do everything as if unto the Lord.  This verse is not only about slaves.  First of all, all Christians are slaves of God and thus this applies.  However, even contextually, Paul is just stating for slaves what he already stated for all Christians in verse 17.

“And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus…” (NKJV)

Now in verse 23 Paul has added the word “heartily.”  It means that we don’t just outwardly perform the duty.  Instead we put our whole heart into doing it. 

It is worth noting that the effect of what Paul is doing here is not a means of keeping slaves quiet and away from revolt.  Paul is not working for the master-class to keep the slaves in subjection.  Rather, he has just helped the lowest people of society, whose lives and duties give them no obvious sense of purpose and meaning, to see that there is a holy aspect to the thankless and abject station that they have in life.  Regardless of how the world views you and your place in it, God sees you as His servant and that is a high position indeed.  Such an idea lifts our hearts out of the muck and the mire, washes it off, and says, “You serve the King of the Universe!”  It is only our myopic and snobbish elitism that cannot see how many slaves came to find hope in the Gospel that they never found in revolts.  In Christ the Christian slave could lift up his head and know that His true Master loved him greatly.  This in no way supports slavery, but rather supports the slave who had no hope of getting out of their situation.

Paul goes on to explain why a slave, or employee for that matter, should obey this command.  First, they will receive the reward of the inheritance.  The inheritance that Paul is talking about is the one that all believers will inherit from God the Father.  Though they have no inheritance in this world, Christian slaves know that they stand to inherit from God alongside of every other station and class in this world.  This life is simply a testing ground.  The life to come is our inheritance.  No one can touch it or separate you from it.  Thus the slave could be faithful to God because God is always faithful and will reward our service to Him in temporal things with eternal things.

The second reason a slave should obey in this matter is because God will repay those who do wrong without partiality.  Now, this sword cuts both ways.  On one hand the slave, who remains in anger and hatred, and refuses in this matter will also be repaid with judgment from God.  On the other hand, the main purpose is to encourage the slave who tries to obey their master and yet is wronged by the master.  Many harsh, unrealistic, oppressive masters have existed in this world.  But here a play on the word reward is made.  Those who wrong slaves will be repaid by God Himself.  How does a person keep doing the right thing when others treat them wrongly?  Typically we become frustrated, angry, and vengeful.  We throw off the altruistic purpose and take the path of our flesh.  We reject Christ and embrace Satan.  These destructive works of the flesh then pull us down into the slavery of sin.  However, when I recognize that even those who abuse me will have their day of reckoning before God, then I can focus on my part of the situation and let go of theirs.  God is an impartial judge.  He does not say, “It’s okay that you were overly harsh with your slave even though he tried his best to be faithful to your commands.”  No.  The Lord of Heaven that sends Lazarus to Abraham’s bosom and the rich man into the fire will also pay back those who never seem to have to pay for their sins in this life.  With God, no one is ever “too big” to fail and that should be a shot across the bow for all those in this life who have position over others.  By the way, even if society says it is okay to abuse slaves because they are your property, God will then treat you as you treated your slaves.

Masters treat your slaves justly and fairly

Though chapter three ends at verse 25, verse one of chapter four clearly goes with chapter three.  For those who aren’t aware, no part of the Bible was written with chapter and verse divisions.  These were added later for convenience.  In the 13^th century AD several chapter schemes were created and then later in the 16^th century verse divisions were added.  The point being that we should be aware that the chapter divisions are not always in the proper spot.  Chapter four verse one is the counterpoint to chapter three’s instructions to slaves.

Notice that if Paul was just trying to prop up a hierarchical system, he wouldn’t say what he does to masters.  He would most likely tell them to obey the magistrates and the king.  But instead, Paul tells masters that if they have put on Christ it will affect how they treat their slaves.  This is critical because it is the tendency to treat slaves as subhuman, property, and undeserving of basic human treatment that makes it so odious and loathsome.  It is too easy for those of the higher class of society to look upon those of a lower station as being something less than human.  This dynamic did not cease with the Emancipation Proclamation.  It continues to this day.  The leaders of our governments have come to see certain parts of our citizenry as less of a human as they are.  This is always used to justify tyranny.  In the 1800’s it was common to hear slaves described as less evolved and thus on par with animals.  Throughout all of history slaves had no redress for any “wrongs” against them.  They were simply property.

Yet here masters are warned that God will take note of how they treat their slaves.  Both the slave and the master are equally human and therefore imagers of God.  Psalm 62:9 says, “Those of low estate are but a breath; those of high estate are a delusion; in the balances they go up; they are together lighter than a breath.”  The point is that those of high estate are not of greater substance before God.  If you buy into the idea that they do, or that they will somehow be treated differently then you are deluded.  Many a king, magistrate, judge, lawyer, politician, business owner, etc. will have their eyes opened on that day that they stand before God and give account for treating others as somehow less than human.  All humans should be respected as human beings created by God for His purposes, and created higher than the animals, yet lower than the angels.

The treatment is qualified by the word “justly.”  James 5:4 gives a picture of the lack of justice in those days when it says, “The wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, cry out; and the cries of the reapers have reached the ears of the Lord of Hosts!”  It is easy for masters, business owners, and their management to have unreasonable expectations for slaves or workers.  When Israel was enslaved in Egypt, Pharaoh gave the unreasonable demand that the Israelites continue to meet their quotas while additionally having to get their own straw (see Exodus 5).  The key here is that historically masters have done what is in accordance with the commands and laws of their country.  Such laws cared little for slaves.  But God does care for them.  Thus the justness of a Christian’s actions toward their fellow man is not determined by what is acceptable in their country.  It is determined by God.  Many people today are spouting and perpetrating injustices in the name of justice.  They believe that the end justifies the means.  All such self-justification will melt when you stand before God.  The question is what does God think is just and righteous?  His word makes it very clear.

The word “fairly” is also used.  This could be seen in relation to other servants, i.e. treat all the slaves equally without partiality.  However, it is more likely meant in relation to how the slave serves the master.  It is only equitable or fair that the master treats the slave kindly when the slave’s life consists of the lowly duty of serving you.  The slave’s task is not easy.  It is only fair that the master not oppressively add to that task out of selfish concerns.  In fact it begs the question, “How harsh of a task master is God to the master?”  It is intended to make the master realize that he will be held accountable for how he treats his slaves.

Verse one ends with the reminder to masters that they have a Master in Heaven.  We are all in subjection to God.  Clearly, He is not like we are.  But He will hold all men responsible for their actions in this life.  The ultimate principle here is to focus on your side of the relationship, and do it in a way that pleases God despite what others do or don’t do.  We are serving Him in this life not self or society.  If we can righteously work for a change in society then that is good.  But the end does not justify the means.  The goal does not justify the path that we take to get there.

This is the new man: a person who is not trapped in the constructs of today, whether hopelessly furthering them or vengefully rebelling against them.  Even if your flesh and heart wants to identify as homosexual, transgender, white nationalist, black power, ad infinitum, we are called to identify as simply a follower of Jesus.  Instead of seeing ourselves as a 99%’er we are called to see ourselves as a follower of Jesus.  Whatever the distinctions that this world tries to put on you, or you want to take upon yourself, today Christ calls you to drop those things and come follow Him.

New Man II audio

Putting on the "New Man" at Home

Colossians 3:18-22.  This sermon was preached by Pastor Marty Bonner on July 22, 2018.

I understand that the imagery used in Colossians three of the “new man” may seem to emphasize gender.  But we should not let our sensitivity to gender issues fog our understanding what Paul is saying here.  The new man is in reality Jesus, and both men and women are to put off their old self and take on a new life that is modeled and led by Christ.  Thus when I use this phrase for how we act at home it is a directive for men, women, and kids of both genders.  We are to all put on Christ live out his directives rather than remaining in our old way of thinking, feeling, and living.

Now, it is important to recognize that the concept of a family or home was instituted by God at the very beginning.  It is he who designed humans with split sexuality that required the union of a man and a woman.  When a man and a woman come together in marriage, they create a unit or a unity before God.  Typically, they will raise up children for the next generation, and in so doing they continue the cycle.  Their children will grow up, find a person of the opposite sex with whom they leave their parents and create a new home together, a new unity before God.  Yes, there are people who identify as homosexual etc. and who reject this.  But this is not the purpose of our time together today.  Here we are listening to what God has to say regarding how each member of the household should approach that unit.

Humanity has often warped this institution of God for its own ends.  In fact, in the fall of Genesis chapter three, God warns Eve that her sin would impact her relationship with her husband, and that effect has echoed throughout each generation.  It is not just humanity that is the problem, but rather humanity in its fallen state or sinful state.  In fact everything that people would point to as bad within marriage and family, can be directly attributed to sinfulness in the hearts of those doing it.  The answer is not to throw aside God’s institution, but rather to become better husbands, wives, parents and children.

In our passage Paul deals with three relationships that were very hierarchical in those days.  They were husband over wife, parents over children, and masters over their house-slaves.

Modern man often judges the Bible and its writers because they did not battle against these hierarchies.  However, they often do this because they do not understand that God calls us to a different battle.  As long as there are humans on this earth, hierarchical relationships will continue to exist.  In tearing down one system, we only find another hierarchy imposed upon us.  The systems of this world use envy and strife as the energy to keep the system moving forward.  As long as everyone is busy trying to destroy the hierarchy or become it, we lose sight of the true battle that will destroy us all; the battle in our hearts and minds.  If we toss aside the system of today and replace it with another system, we will only find another form of tyranny and hierarchy because people have a sin problem.  So instead of stirring up a slave riot, Christianity taught slaves how to break free of the slavery in their hearts and minds, a slavery to sin.  The purpose of this life is to overcome sin’s hold on our heart, regardless of where your place is in the current system.

Wives take your place with your husband

Paul speaks first to the wives in verse 18.  The women of Colosse in the first century were considered to be under their husband’s dominion.  There was a clear hierarchy.  I know that this is heresy in today’s environment.  It sounds like the Bible is supporting the hierarchy and dominance over women.  But that is a corrupt view of the verse and others like it in the Bible.  Instead of focusing on whether the hierarchy is good or not, wives are encouraged to submit to their husbands.  The term “submit” was actually a military term and referred to taking your place within a military hierarchy.  This does not mean a home should be run like a military organization.  Rather, it is a metaphorical usage.  The wife should take her place, whatever that may be (under or alongside) her husband.  I say this because there is more going on here than what this verse implies.

Look back at verse 11 in this chapter.  Paul had just established the reality that the old distinctions of this world are irrelevant in Christ.  “There is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all.”  He doesn’t mention male-female in that verse.  But the same argument used in Galatians 3:28 does.  The point is that those distinctions that the systems of this world use to place one side over the other are to become meaningless to believers.  Not meaningless in the sense that we pretend they don’t exist, but meaningless in the sense that those distinctions do not drive our thoughts, feelings, and actions.  That is part of the old life.  The new life looks to Christ to lead us in what we should think and what we should do (of course feelings go up and down all the time).  Thus Paul is not saying that the hierarchy is good.  He is simply telling the women that Christ wants them to take their place (whatever it may be) in the home.  In that day it was clearly a place under the leadership of their husbands.  In 21^st century USA it would be to take your place alongside your husband.  Notice this is Christ’s instructions to individual wives, not an instruction to societies or nations on how they should view the wife-husband relationship.  Thus cultures have a variety of expressions of this relationship, though a male-dominated model has been the most predominate.  We should not let our gender, race, economic status, class, or any other distinction drive our life.

Though our society has embraced the reality that the Bible is actually elevating the status of all underprivileged, it makes the mistake by promoting and inflaming those distinctions.  This only divides us further and keeps us from walking in the unity that God is trying to give us.  Instead of fighting their husbands for dominance, wives need to do their best to work with their husbands as a unit.  Our different gifts will allow for a diversity of expressions for how this would play out.  Today, we do not live in a cultural system with rigid, precise roles.  Husbands and wives have to work out together, with the Holy Spirit’s help, to run the household.  Even if your husband isn’t the Christian that he should be, a wife needs to focus on her obligation before God to work for unity in the home.

In each of these relationships you will find that we are told to do what would be the hardest thing for us to do.  Women had been under a dominance of men for millennia.  With the Gospel’s teaching that those distinctions no longer mattered, it would be easy to “throw off the yoke.”  Instead wives are told to take their place under their husband’s leadership.  Today, women are not in the exact same boat.  But, they still have had to deal with the dominance of men in relationships.  Instead of fighting men for dominance, go into the marriage and ask Christ how to bring peace and unity to it, at least for your part.

Before we move to men, I want to comment on the phrase, “as is fitting in the Lord.”  Again, we can interpret this to mean that it is fitting for women to be under men.  But that is a huge assumption.  He is telling women that it would not be fitting for a follower of Christ to try and take over.  The act of taking your place is what is fitting.  Voluntary submission neutralizes the hierarchical system by refusing to play the game of this world system.  Jesus epitomized this virtue in his life.  He submitted to the leaders of Israel and allowed himself to be crucified.  However, in so doing we are told that He overcame the world.  Thus if we are really following Jesus as our model, and He really is leading us, we will reject the rebel approach and adopt the humble servant model.  It is only fitting that Christians, men or women, who find themselves in a similar situation, should focus on honoring Christ rather than getting something for themselves.  Thus what is fitting in the Lord is to use the power and gifts that we have for others at the direction of Jesus, rather than for our own selfish purposes.  In Christ we voluntarily give up power in order to serve others.  Christ is the power.  When we adopt this attitude we neutralize the attempt of the spirit of this world to play us off of one another.

Husbands love your wives without bitterness

Husbands are also given a command, but notice that the command is not to make sure your wife is taking her place.  Instead husbands are told to love their wife, regardless of whether she “submits” or not, without being bitter.  It is easy for a person to become bitter when they don’t think they are getting what they should.  Christ tells husbands to drop that kind of attitude and instead simply love their wives.

In Ephesians 5, Paul gives the same command, but adds to it that husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Christ loved the Church.  Think about how much Jesus loved the Church.  He loved the Church so much that he laid his life down for us.  This is true physically, but also metaphorically.  Instead of using the power system of this world for His own ends, Jesus used his power for the sake of the Church.  So husbands must not use their power of position, physicality, or cultural standing for their own ends.  Rather, whatever the place of a husband in society, it should be used for the sake of the wife, period.  Love her, not love yourself by telling her how to best serve you.

In fact, Paul takes this one step further in Ephesians 5 by saying that the marital relationship is supposed to be a reflection of Christ’s relationship with the Church.  How well is my part of this marital relationship reflecting Christ?  Christ doesn’t verbally abuse the Church, or manhandle the Church.  He isn’t forcing himself upon the Church and overpowering it.  Historically the Church and husbands have muddied the waters of what Christ has called us to do.  But we cannot let the failures of the past direct our actions today.  We must look to Christ and ask Him to teach us how to love. In fact if we insert the concept here about what is fitting in the Lord, we would end up with a statement like this.  It is fitting in the Lord for a husband to use the power and gifts that he has for the sake of his wife at the direction of Jesus, rather than for his own selfish purposes!

Children obey your parents

Children are simply told to obey their parents.  Yes, Jesus expects children to reject the path of their “old man” and put on the “new man.”  Yet, instead of obeying parents because, “I said so,” they are to obey their parents in order to please Jesus.  Some parents cannot be pleased regardless what a kid does.  But kids, take heart.  Your job is not to please your mom and dad, but to do your best to please Jesus.  This can make all the difference and protects our hearts against the poison of rebellion.

It is God’s design that puts children in a loving home of a man and a woman who are working in unity for the good of that child, as directed by Christ.  However, it is our sin that messes up every aspect of that last sentence.  None of us should use the sin of the other people in the family to justify rebellion against the commands of Christ.  This world does its best to stir up kids against the leadership of their parents.  It also demoralizes parents to the point that they either give up trying to train their children, or they buy into the lies of this world system and neglect them.

Let me just say that no kid deserves to be abused by their parents or any guardian for that matter.  It is up to the other adults in their life to be a help when abuse happens.  However, we are headed to the place that to teach your child to serve Christ is labeled as child abuse.  So we need a balance here.  Kids have a need to learn to follow the leadership of their parents before they can take on the leadership of their own life as an adult.

Fathers don’t stir up your children

Though this is addressed to fathers, it would apply to both parents.  In the child-parent relationship, the kid has no power.  Some of that has been moderated with education and CPS, etc.  Here Christ commands fathers not to purposefully stir up their children, or exasperate them.  The word translated here has the idea that you are provoking them to the point that they are angry and wrathful.  Parents should always be monitoring the heart of the child because our job is not to force them into a hierarchical system, but to help them grow up and become like Jesus.

The caution is further defined by the fact that if we go too far, we can discourage the child.  The term translated “discouraged” in verse 21 basically means to break the spirit of the child.  Each child is an image-bearer of God who is destined to take their place in the ranks of God’s people.  In that sense they are your little brother or sister.  Instead of correcting and teaching out of hurt and exercising dominance, we are to correct and teach children out of love and in order to help them become like Christ.  All parents should learn to use their power and gifts, not to spoil a child rotten, but to prepare them for life and help them to become like Jesus, without breaking their spirit and discouraging them away from Him.

Slaves obey your masters

Though I mentioned this earlier, I must reiterate that it is easy to be angry that the Bible doesn’t tell us to throw off slavery and all masters.  However, Christ calls slaves to a different battle.  Over the process of time, Christians were able to see the truth of the Scriptures and come up with a system that removed these social inequities.  However, let us not lose the point of the Scriptures.  What does it profit a slave to be emancipated within society and yet still be in chains to sin on the inside?  Yes, his few years in this world may be happier, possibly.  But, he will be in a world of hurt when he stands before God.

We must recognize that the world’s system always has slaves, whether they are called that or not.  In fact, there is still slavery going on in the USA today.  It has just been swept under the rug and exists in seedy places, where women, children, and men are trafficked in order to satisfy the cravings of wicked people.  We should continue to do our best to remove this blight from our society.  However, that societal battle cannot save a person’s soul.

We should also take note that this passage is not talking about those who are pressed into slavery illegally. 

Slaves are given a hard command just as husbands, wives, and children; obey your masters.  First of all we should notice the qualification that these “masters” are master in regard to the body only.  Men have often bought and sold the bodies of other humans.  But it is up to the slave whether they have also purchased their soul.  A master cannot control your heart and mind unless you let him.  They cannot control your ability to worship God in the holies of holies of your own heart and mind.  Thus slaves can serve their masters as an act of worship to their true master in heaven.  I don’t have time to go into all the ways that the slavery that happened throughout the United States of America, and elsewhere, was actually breaking the commands of Scripture.  But please hear the heart of Paul’s message.  The answer is not in breaking out of the situation, but in first, breaking free from the sins of your own heart.

Secondly, two words are used to challenge how Christian slaves served their masters.  The first word is “eye-service,” and the second is “men-pleasers.”  Eye-service refers to the fact that a worker will tend to be lazy when the boss is not around, and then start working hard when the boss is looking.  This is how the flesh is when we are focused on pleasing people in order to get what we want.  Christians are called to reject being a “man-pleaser.”  Instead we are to please God.

Technically the Bible emancipates all Christian slaves from their masters and tells them to serve their earthly masters as a service to Christ.  Now they are to be the best slave possible, working hard even when they are not being watched.  They are to do a sincere job in the fear of God, not their earthly master.  This may seem to be a heartless command on one hand.  However, how much more heartless is it to encourage people to rebel, and yet leave them in shackles to their own sinful hearts?  Only the Holy Spirit can help us to see the radical call of God to break the hold that the system of this world has on your heart.  Even in choosing the path of the rebel, you are only satisfying the systems need to energize for the next developing system.  Meanwhile people go on not dealing with their own hearts.

In our society we have technically taken the slave class and moved it into the poor class.  Today we are tempted in our jobs to be pit against our employers.  Yes, many employers of this world are taking advantage of their employees.  But, as a Christian it is not my job to rebel against the employers of this world.  Rather, it is my job to give an honest day’s work out of respect for Christ.  The rest is between Christ and my employer.  Christians should be the best employees that the world can hire because we have learned to use our power and gifts for the sake of others, regardless of what we get from them in return.

Let me close this by challenging us today.  Don’t let the world dictate what you believe and what you will do.  Instead serve Christ with your life.  Let Him teach you how to quit this system of pitting one group against another.  Let Him teach you how to use your power and gifts to bless others in your life, starting at home, and working outward from there.  Let Christ teach you how to root out those hurts and that bitterness, which keeps you circling the same drain over and over again.  Let His Holy Spirit lift you up out of the bondage to which this world seeks to chain you.

New Man at Home

Submission In The Home 1

As we begin 1 Peter chapter 3, I recognize that as a man it would be easy to tune me out at this time.  A lot of garbage has washed under the bridge of submission in the home.  So let me first try to bring us back to Peter’s main point.  He is concerned with our ability to submit because of the way in which our refusal to do it will cause Jesus to be seen as a rebel.  If we rebel against authorities in the name of God’s Word then we can give the wrong impression of who God is.  In fact we will attract all the wrong people to the Church (rebels).  Jesus, who was God in the flesh, submitted himself to wicked authorities because he trusted the plan of the Father.

Yes, we can use God’s Word to justify rebellion against governments, and we can use God’s Word to justify a slave’s rebellion against his master.  But the goodness of the government or master was never the question.  It was an issue of the heart.  It is hard for modern man to hear these words, especially Americans.  We are so used to getting our way that we don’t understand how we more easily embrace rebellion and despise submission.  Submission as a virtue does have boundaries.  But even then our response needs to be more about submitting to God’s will above the will of an earthly authority, rather than one that is about my flesh rebelling against authority.  America was not founded upon a rebellious “no one will be in authority over us.”  It was the desire to submit to God over the top of a wicked king.

So as we approach this subject of wives submitting to husbands, let’s approach cautiously and with a listening heart.

Wives Should Be Submissive To Their Own Husbands

It doesn’t take rocket science to see Peter’s first instruction.  He tells wives to “take their place under” the authority that a husband has been given.  The gospel taught that in Christ there was no longer slave and free, Jew and Gentile, or male and female.  Such teachings could naturally lead to strife in the homes of Christians.  It is important that we represent Christ well in this world.  If we send the wrong message in order to get our justice now, then we have sacrificed God’s reputation and ability to draw people unto him for ourselves.  Peter speaks against such selfishness in each of the cases of submission he has brought up.

Now notice that the context is not men and women.  Women are not told to be submitted to men in general.  But a wife should not strive with her husband for authority in the home.  Why would he say this?  Paul makes it clearer in Ephesians chapter 5.  Paul pointed back to creation and explained that God made the species of man as male and female on purpose.  He wanted the relationship of marriage between a man and a woman to be a picture of Christ’s love for the Church.  Thus when we marry we are not just agreeing to love each other.  We are also entering into an agreement to work together to model the relationship between Jesus and his Church.  Thus God gives man, not just the authority, but also the responsibility for the home.  Religion is not the “woman’s” place.  Each husband will be responsible before God for how he lead his family in worship of God or lack thereof.

Peter recognizes that a believing woman married to an unbelieving husband would be tempted to divorce him, or at least fight his authority and ungodly leadership.  Peter asks the wife to submit to the ungodly husband in order to win him over to Christ.  Imagine telling your husband on one hand that he should turn from his sins and believe on Jesus (who submitted to death on a cross) and yet you are unwilling to submit to something far less.  Now are there obvious exceptions to Peter’s point?  Of course there are, however, Peter is not dealing with submission in the home as his main point.  It is a side point to the greater problem of Christians embracing rebellion and justifying it with God’s Word.  If a husband is physically abusing his wife then God is not telling her to submit to it.  However, it would be foolish to tell her to fight back.  In fact without repentance a divorce may be the only solution.  Can we hear the heart of Peter’s point without trying to completely dismiss it?

Wives Should Have Virtues Of The Heart

Peter turns to women more fully and speaks to them as daughters.  Verse 3 begins to challenge them to be more concerned about their inner heart than their outer appearance.  This is not just about adornment but is connected to the issue of submission.  Must I force the conformance of my marriage to an outward appearance that I want, all the while losing the transformation that Christ is doing in my heart?  Peter is not asking women to “stuff it” and submit.  Rather he is asking them to focus on their inner heart and make sure it is following Jesus and not their own flesh.

Now verse 2 encourages “chaste conduct accompanied by fear.”  Let me just say that God does not want women to be afraid of their husbands.  This is simply a misreading of what is being said.  Part of that is a cultural issue and part of it is our own sinful nature.  The Hebrew people had an understanding of fear, far more broad then we do.  It is the same with love and hate.  Do you remember in Genesis 29 when the Bible talks about Jacob loving Rachel more than Leah? The very next verse says that when God say Leah was hated he opened her womb.  Now we reserve the word “hate” for a strong revulsion against something.  But the context clearly shows that Jacob merely loved Rachel more.  Rachel was special to him.  He didn’t hate Leah in the way that we would think.  But he did love Rachel more than her.  This word for Hate can be exactly what we are used to it meaning, but it can also mean to love less.  This is the same with fear.  It can mean to be scared and in terror of something.  But in the context of authority it usually means respect for the job or position the person in authority has.  So the point is not to be afraid of the husband but rather to respect the gravity of the position he holds.  He will be accountable to God one day for how he leads.  Are you helping him to understand that and not be condemned or are you pushing each other to further error, in which you will both give account before God?  So a Christian wife should have chaste conduct that flows from a heart of respect for the duty God has placed on her husband.  She should be working with him and not against him, even when he is making poor choices.  Again, submission does have its boundaries and God is not calling women to be slaves.  Historically this has been misinterpreted and taken advantage of by men, for which they will give account.

Peter points to the importance of inner beauty over the top of outer beauty.  This is not a prohibition against outward adornment.  But rather, it is a call to spend more time on inner beauty than outward.  Outward beauty is fading.  You cannot spend enough money to counteract the effects of aging forever.  You will lose it.  What will you be left with?  If you spent all your focus on outer beauty then your life will be crushed and there will be no inner beauty within.  You can grow more beautiful with age.  God’s plan is not for men to have a mid-life crisis, divorce their wife, and marry a 25 year old.  His plan is for us to recognize the beauty in each other that is beyond the skin.  Will I be desirable when I am 50, 60, 70, 80….?  I will only if I focus on the inner above the outer.

Next he mentions a gentle and quiet spirit.  The word gentle is fairly clear.  It is basically strength under control.  A strong person can learn to be gentle and still strong.  We do not look for the weakest people to be our brain surgeons; rather we train them to be extremely careful and gentle in their movements.  The word “quiet” does not mean silence.  It actually means peaceful and tranquil.  Even when we disagree with one another we can interact in a peaceful way rather than with a rancorous fight.

Peter then gives an example of Sarah the wife of Abraham.  The main point is that she trusted God.  Her trust in God enabled her to peacefully walk with Abraham through some mighty, stupid plans of his.  I can hear Sarah now.  “We are moving, but God hasn’t told you where we are going yet?  O, great plan, Abram.”  Or, “I’m supposed to pretend to be your sister?  Please, do you think that cockamamie plan is going to work?”  Sarah trusted God and in the end God was faithful to her.

Lastly, Peter mentions that he doesn’t want the wives to be in fear and terror.  Mostly likely he is referring to the duty of submission although it could apply to their husbands as well.  Terror is not God’s plan for women.  He wants them to embrace it out of love to him.  But also out of a love of him, because God is not a rebel.  He is a submitted being at heart.  Historically, men have used strength to terrorize women into submission.  Is that Christ?  No, it is sin that will be judged by Christ when he comes.

Final Thoughts

Satan has wedged men and women against each other since the garden.  It is time we recognized that and fought back by uniting together in love.  A Christian marriage can be a beautiful thing for both husband and wife when they love each other in heart and action.  We should never justify horrible marriages under the banner of submission.  Rather, we should correct each other according to the word of God.

Don’t be driven by the desires of your flesh.  Rather,  be driven by the desire to properly represent the Lord and his gospel.

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