The Letter to the Colossian Church- 12

Subtitle: A New Home- 1

Colossians 3:18-23.  This sermon was preached by Pastor Marty Bonner on Sunday, October 12, 2025.

Up to this section, Paul has spoken to the Colossian Christians in general terms that would apply to them all.  In this section, Paul moves to the different relationships within the home.  How does a Christian wife, husband, child, parent, etc., live?  What is Christ calling them to do?

The Roman world and the Greek world had picture of what the family should look like.  In general, the husband was the king of the home and his word was law in the home.  Yet, Paul begins to speak to people in these situations about how Christ would have them live.

Of course, not every person hearing Paul’s admonitions would have a home that is fully Christian.  It would be able to complain that our situation is not perfect.  Yes, that is true, but the Perfect One is with you to help you honor God the Father and please him.  God does desire for us to experience His goodness in this life.  However, in those cases where we are experiencing a relationship that falls short, and may even be with someone who is not a believer, the eternal goodness of God can swallow up any evil that is done to us.

Let’s look at our passage.

Jesus is the Lord of our relationships (v. 18-21)

Throughout these verses, Paul continually reminds us that the Lord is not just a part of our relationship with others.  He is also the Lord of how we operate within those relationships.  He is the one that we are trying to please.  This is opposed to trying to please the other person, or only ourselves.  When we please Christ, we become a part of the solution, but when we please ourselves, we are a part of the problem.  I may not be the largest part, but I am a part nonetheless.

All of our relationships need to be surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus, in which we ask him this.  “Lord, how would you have me to be in this relationship?”

The first relationship of the home that Paul deals with is that of wives and husbands.  Before we get into the specific exhortations that Paul gives to them, we should talk about how different churches approach these passages.

There are some who approach these passages with a view called complementarianism.  They are said to be complementarians in regard to the husband and wife relationship and in regard to the roles of men and women beyond the home.  A wife is to complement her husband in the sense of completing him or making him perfect.

Here is an image charting their differences.

Complementarians believe that men and women were created with equal human dignity before God.  However, they were created with a distinct function and role.  Women can use their gifts, but it is not their role to lead the home, lead a church or to lead society.  Thus, God will not call and empower a woman to lead the home, church or society.  Some of them will leave room for situations when men refuse to do their role.

Egalitarians.  These are those who approach passages like this with a view called egalitarianism.  This word comes from the idea of equal.  They believe that men and women were created equal, not just in human dignity, but in all things.  They do recognize that men and women have distinct gifts and roles within this equality.  However, those distinctions do not warrant exclusive male leadership in the home, in the church or in society.  They believe that God can empower any person He chooses, male or female, to fill roles in the home, in the church and in society.

Both believe some similar things, but disagree about whether God intended there to be a hierarchy in the home and the Church that must be led by males.  A way of thinking about this is to use the concept of a team.  Whose team is the home?  Is it the husbands team, i.e., Team Husband, and the wife is simply on the team in order to help Team Dad win?  Or, are they one team before God, i.e., Team Husband and Wife Unity, in which both work together through their unique God-given abilities as one in order for Team Unity to win?

We should recognize that modern feminism has muddied the waters here.  It makes it easy for complementarians to accuse egalitarians of compromising with society, letting culture drive their theology.  Let me just say that some egalitarians are doing just that, which is the wrong reason to be an egalitarian.  Conversely, egalitarians can accuse complementarians of continuing an unjust subjugation of women for the sake of their own ego and power.  Again, let me say that some complementarians are doing just that, which is the wrong reason to be a complementarian.

At the root of this debate, there are God-fearing Christians who sincerely disagree about the purpose of God in the creation of men and women.  When you approach passages with one view of God’s purpose, you will read passages such as this in a particular way.  But, if you adopt a different view of God’s purpose, you will see that the passages may not be saying what you thought they were saying.

There are many women who are complementarians.  Are they trying to subjugate themselves for the sake of the ego and power of men?  I don’t think so.  You can believe they are brain-washed, but many of them are godly women who are seeking to honor God and His Word.

There are also many egalitarians who believe that the Bible is fully inspired of God.  They have arrived at their position, not by ignoring Scripture and portraying it as outdated and uninspired.  Rather, they have arrived at their position with sound Scriptural arguments.

Both sides of this debate need to honor one another by dropping attack lines that become ad hominem when we attempt paint the other group with a broad brush.

We are a Pentecostal church.  Pentecostals are not a liberal movement within the Church at large.  They held to the inspiration of the Scriptures and believed that many of the Protestant denominations had ignored parts of the Bible (the gifts of the Spirit) through a self-serving theology that was not right.  Pentecostals were among those first groups embracing the healing of black and white relationships.  They also saw that the Holy Spirit empowered women to preach, evangelize, and go into missions.  Many a church in America was started by a woman who believed God enough to do something.  Many a mission field in this world was opened by a woman who dared to believe God and stepped out in the power of the Spirit.  Some of them were put in those positions when their husbands were either killed or simply died.  They stepped up in faith and continued the work.

It was in this environment that Pentecostals began to see that perhaps these passages had been used to emphasize hierarchy when they were never intended to teach it.

Let’s be clear about a few things.  God loves women AND men.  He loves wives AND husbands.  He loves kids AND parents.  He loves slaves AND masters.  This does not mean that God condones of everything that we do.  No, He loves us enough to tell us the truth about all the ways we are destroying ourselves and one another.

The Assemblies of God is egalitarian, but it has not made it a core doctrine or even one of the Fourteen Fundamental Truths.  These can be found at AG.org.  I dare say that there are many people in the pulpit and in the pew who are on both sides of this issue.  May God help us to have grace with one another.

In our passage, Paul’s goal is not to subjugate women, kids and slaves.  He is teaching us all how to honor God in our relationships.  He is teaching us to operate out of a desire to accomplish the purpose of God rather than declaring our rights.  So now, let’s get into our passage.

To the wives:  Be subject to your husband as is fitting in the Lord.

There are many reasons why a woman might be chafing in a marriage.  Some of these would be in her husband and the society around her.  However, when she is honest, some of them would also be within herself.  We should recognize here that Paul is giving “homework” to each person for them to do.  It is in our nature to look at the other person’s homework and complain that ours is too hard or not fair.

Paul’s purpose here is not about protecting a patriarch.  Rather, we need to remind ourselves of what he had written just moments before this in chapter 3 verses 9 through 11.  Christians are being renewed into the image of Christ, which is not impacted by our relational differences.  Paul had listed racial difference (Greek or Jew, barbarian, Scythian), religious difference (circumcised or uncircumcised) and class difference (slave or free).  He could have listed the difference of male and female because he actually does this in Galatians 3:28.  Paul is not saying these differences no longer exist, but that they do not change the fact of what it means to become like Jesus.  Anyone in any situation or station of society is able to become like Jesus.  In that sense, it makes no difference what you are.  It does make a difference in what you may need to do and what you may need to sacrifice in order to be renewed into the image of Christ.  Paul is not denying that.

The word that Paul uses for “be subject” is an imperative.  However, it may come across as something that is done to you, i.e., “Let yourself be subjected.”  This is not what Paul is saying.  The word is not passive.  It is something that she is doing to herself, and it has the idea of taking a place under another.  It does not have a connotation of worth and importance.  The general of the military would be subject, “take their place under,” the king, or Caesar.  It is ultimately about taking a place to serve.  In this case, it is to serve their husband.  He does not say that husbands are kings and should rule thus over their wives.  He simply tells wives that they should give themselves to serving their husbands.

He then adds the phrase “as is fitting in the Lord.”  The idea of it being fitting is that this activity measures up to the bar that has been set by our Lord.  The Lord Jesus subjected himself to becoming a servant in order to serve humanity.  He even subjected himself to death on a cross.  He did so out of love for us, not out of hierarch.  We were not greater than him.  We didn’t even deserve him at all, much less in that capacity.  Yet, Jesus did so out of love.  He did not hold on to what his rights were and, instead, served the purposes of God the Father.  If this is the One we say we are following, if this is the one who is our master teacher and who we are becoming like, then it is fitting for to look for ways in which we can pick up a towel and serve others in our life.

Because Jesus took the lowest place and served us, God is even now subjecting all things to him (1 Corinthians 15:27).  Do we trust the same Father that Jesus trusted to lift us up at the proper time?

When people read hierarchy into this passage, it is coming from this word “be subject,” precisely because it has the sense of under in it.  Yet, I believe that I have shown above that it is not about hierarchy.  You must always lower yourself in order to serve another, and this is what he is asking wives to do.  Serve your husband for God’s purposes (not his).

Of course, Paul does not describe what this should look like.  There is a cultural issue here that can affect what a wife who loves Christ will do to serve her husband (be he Christian or not).  Our society is very different.  The ways in which a wife is to choose to serve her husband will be impacted by it.  Yet, ultimately, the wife is not called to serve the purposes of society or herself, but of God.  The only hierarchy that is actually here is that of Christ over the life of all Christians (wives or husbands).

One last thing about this.  Ephesians 5:15-33 is a passage in which verse 22 is parallel to this verse.  We should notice that the verse 21 actually commands each Christian to subject themselves to one another.  Again, not out of hierarchy, but out of love.  Interestingly enough, the verse about wives and husbands is actually “borrowing” this verb from the prior sentence.  It literally says, “and wives to your own husbands as to the Lord.”  We would say it is missing the verb, but this is a common technique in Greek.  The prior verb from verse 21 is implied in the statement.  “[A]nd wives [subject yourselves] to your own husband as to the Lord.”  Again, it is the Lord who is the hierarchy here.  We are all to be subjecting ourselves to one another.  And, in this context, wives are told to subject themselves to their husband for the purposes of Christ.

The modern world may accuse the Bible of hating women and subjecting them, but this is what men have done who either don’t understand what Paul is saying or are using him for their own purposes wickedly.  All through the New Testament Paul is teaching Christians to follow the example of Jesus and even his own example.  That is the example of laying down your rights in order to serve the purposes of Christ, God the Father, in the life of another person.

This brings us to Paul’s instructions to husbands.

To the Husbands  love your wives and do not be embittered against them

Paul could have turned around and told husbands to submit themselves in service to their wife, but instead, he uses the term “love.”  “Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.”  In the Ephesians 5 passage, he adds “just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word…”  The sacrificial love of Christ did not demand that his position in heaven be honored.  Instead, he laid his body and life down for the good of the Church.  Husbands should sacrificially love their wives for her good and in obedience to God with humility.  Clearly, this would cancel out acting like Caesar over your wife.  If the husband is a king, then the wife is a queen.  However, she should not be a queen in the way pictured in the book of Esther.  Rather, she should be a queen who sits at his side, a team, ruling the home.

Notice that Paul adds the idea of not becoming bitter towards her.  What sorts of things make a man bitter against his wife?  Whatever offenses a husband may have experienced from his wife, he must still love her by forgiving her and not letting his heart be hardened toward her.  Hebrews 12:5 warns that a root of bitterness can spring up and cause trouble and defile many (i.e., both of you, the kids, and beyond). 

How can a husband not love a woman who is submitting herself to serving him?  Also, how can a wife not serve a man who is sacrificially laying his life down in order to love her?  Even when we agree with the wisdom to this, we may withhold with the excuse that the other person is not doing their job.  However, we do these things to please the Lord, not to get a specific action out of our spouse.

Paul does not flesh out what it would look like for a husband to sacrificially love his wife.  Does the husband simply let the woman run the show and never have strong opinions about things?  Should the woman submit in everything without question and without opinion of her own?  Is the husband always right?  Or does the husband die to his own opinion and let the wife always be right?  As you walk through those questions, you may see that there is a mutual submission beneath to these commands for wives and husbands.

To the Children  be obedient to your parents in all things

As we come to verse 20, this should go a bit quicker.  Children are called to obey their parents in all things.  God has given their parents charge over them.  The parents are not perfect, and God knows this.  Yet, no kid is perfect either.  They all need good correction, nurture, and supervision.

Children are called to submit to the will of God in their life and obey.  Of course, we can come up with all kinds of questions.  “What if your parents tell you to worship Baal?  Do you have to obey then?”  I believe that this is pushing the passage further than Paul intends it. 

We can also recognize that this is a command to a child within a home, and not a command to adult children that they obey their parents.  No, they will leave their parents and cleave to their spouse.  Yes, they are commanded to still honor their parents, but that is not the same as saying you should continue to act like a child in their home.  The relationship is moving to a new phase.

In all of this, we can see that kids have to deal with a rebellion problem that is in their hearts.

To the Fathers  do not exasperate your children

This command is given to fathers, but that does not mean mothers are unimportant.  Children are told to obey their “parents” plural. Yet, in these societies (specifically the Roman family), the father ran the home and would be the disciplinarian.  Thus, Paul addresses them.  Yet, the instructions would apply to mothers as well.

“Do not exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart.”  To exasperate a child is the idea of stirring them up or provoking them.  This can lead to them losing heart, being broken-hearted, or even dispirited with a broken spirit.  Parents are responsible for the raising of their children, but this does not mean that God wants you to break them like a wild horse.  Children are not animals to be trained.  They are made in the image of God, and their training and instruction should reflect that.

It is a sad thing to see kids who have been traumatized by parents who have abused their duties.  This is not what God wants.

Yet, stern discipline in and of itself is not trauma, if it is done rightly and for the right purposes.  If it is done in anger, then it is wrong.  If you are angry during discipline, then stop and take hold of your anger.  Bring it into subjection to the love of Christ.  Then, discipline them out of love and with the right spirit.  We need wisdom in this area.

Of course, both parents and kids fail.  We can repent of our failures and forgive one another.  A lot of parents who really messed up their kids have later come to Christ.  This is sometimes because of their kids, but sometimes not.  Of course, imagine the shame of a person as they realize that their sinfulness harmed their child and it continues into that child’s adulthood.  It is good and right for such a parent to apologize and ask the forgiveness of their adult child.  However, you should then give them space to work through it.  Pray for them.  Do not pressure them but love them regardless of their choices.

You may have a beautiful restoration of relationship, and then again, you may not.  The point is to take ownership of your own sin and love your adult children (or your parents if forgiveness is needed the other way. 

Parents, discipline your kids, but don’t break them.  They are the one that God the Father loves.  He asks you to train them for their future life.  Yet, he does not want you to cause them to stumble.  We will all give account to the Lord Jesus one day and should live with a healthy respect for that truth.

A New Home 1 audio

Marching to the Drum

Genesis 6:9-14, 22.  This sermon was preached by Pastor Marty Bonner on June 19, 2016 for Father’s Day.

Throughout history the drum has been a valuable tool in marshalling large groups of men.  Today there are many different drummers that are drumming out different beats and marching in different directions across our land.  In this confused environment the wisdom of our culture is simply this: follow your own heart.  It was David Thoreau who wrote, “If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.  Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.”  As encouraging as such words can sound to an individual both statements overlook an important issue: Just who is drumming this drum and just where are they leading me?  Yes, it is good to be true to your inner self as far as that should go.  But it is even better to be true to our Creator, Savior, and Lord, Jesus, who alone knows what makes for our good.  He alone can lead us to a destination that is good and along a way that is good.  All others are really just the variety of ways that the devil seeks to entice us from the path of the victory that God has for us.  God has a plan to make any man a victorious father and husband.  If he will listen to Him, he will find all the grace that he needs.

Today we are going to look at what the Bible had to say about Noah.  He was a man who did not follow the drummers of his day.  Instead he risked looking foolish in the eyes of man in order to be led by God.  His bravery and obedience provided salvation for his family when all others were lost.  May his life be a template to all Christian fathers today.

A Godly Father

Noah was a godly man and it is important for believers to pursue godliness.  This is elementary.  God is our heavenly Father.  If we want to be a good father then we should seek to be like Him.  So what does it mean to be like God?

We are told that Noah was a just man.  This can also be translated as righteous.  This is a person who is upright and straight as opposed to bent over and crooked.  This imagery describes whether their life lines up with the straight and upright Law of God.  Later prophets would describe the Word of God as a plumb line.  The Word of God reveals to us the character and ways of God.  God Himself has always been the measurement by which we analyze our own character and actions.  Noah demonstrated an ability to act toward others in a way that was in alignment with the character of God.  Yes, this is a tall order.  However, kids need more than a father with a pulse.  Rather, they need a father with a spiritual pulse, who seeks to be like God.

Noah is next described as a perfect (blameless) man.  The word translated as “perfect” or “blameless” is the idea of that which is complete, and sound.  It refers to that which has come to maturity and has integrity.  Thus it would be better described today as a man of mature integrity.  Such a person is not pretending to be one thing in public and yet privately filled with evil intentions.  This person is not an incomplete work, but rather is growing into the likeness of God Himself.

We are also told that Noah “walked with God.”  This is an important word picture in the Bible.  In the Old Testament the phrase is used of those who were exceptionally close to God and received visions or appearances of God.  These godly men did so at the expense of sticking out from the people around them.  In the New Testament the phrase is used of those who have been born again by the Spirit of God.  The Holy Spirit leads them to believe on Jesus, fills their life with the power to follow Him, and strengthens their hearts to endure whatever they may incur on the path.  We walk with God through reading the Word, spending time in prayer, both speaking and listening, and then obeying God.  You may wonder even now if you are walking with God.  Romans 8:3-4 describes it this way, “He [God] condemned sin in the flesh, so that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.”  Thus the godly man is not a man who is following what his flesh desires (aka following your heart).  Rather, he is a man who is following God.  Do we fall short?  Yes, we do.  However, a godly man is not perfect in the sense that he makes no mistakes.  He is perfect in the sense that he is where he should be for the work that Lord has done in his life.  For example, a new born may be perfect even though it cannot walk and talk yet.  However, we recognize that something is wrong if that baby does not learn to walk and talk.  A godly man wants to be like his heavenly Father.  It is not about the measurement at any given time, but about our response to God’s directing.

A Father Who Resists The Surrounding Culture

The culture around Noah had deteriorated from having a clear knowledge of God’s way and walking in them to everyone everywhere doing what was right in their own eyes.  This is how it has always been.  No culture from the beginning of man has done anything but cast off the knowledge it has of God’s ways, and then creates its own ways. Eventually they become so darkened that any knowledge of God’s ways becomes completely lost.  Thus it is not so much the culture we resist, but the tendency of culture to disintegrate from any truth of God within it.  Without an intervention from the Spirit of God such culture will eventually destroy itself.

The culture around us today is corrupt.  It is ruined and losing any usefulness to a godly person.  The society around Noah had no redeeming qualities either to God or His people.  It was examined and found wanting by God.  Thus judgment was coming.  This whole dynamic has been exampled in the modern era by the United States of America.  We have been tossing aside the Word of God for generations, and replacing it with our own wisdom.  The impact of culture has become spiritually toxic.  It influences people into paths that destroy the godly work that the Spirit is doing with in them.  Men, we must take our stand against this in our own life!

Their culture became incredibly violent.  Violence is the idea of wronging people without concern, being cruel, and also oppressing them.  When God’s ways are tossed aside, man is left with only himself.  The competing, selfish ways give rise to Tyrants and Oppressors.  These are those who have the power to force things in society to conform to what they see as good.  Most people are crushed in such a world, with only the “Olympians” rising to the top of the mountain (Olympus).  God despises such pride and arrogance, not just because of its rejection of Him, but because of how it crushes the souls of men.  He will flatten such a mountain no matter how big it becomes.  We must not take shelter in such arrogance and make ourselves an enemy of God.  Come out from such people and walk with the Lord.

Although this next point is not mentioned in the text, such cultures become a confused culture.  Like little kids trying to chart their own course into the unknown, such societies wage war against those things that are their strength and strengthen those things that will destroy them.  Thus in our culture there is a tendency to pit men against women, and to diminish the influence parents have on their kids.  Fathers, go to war against such influences in your heart.  Lay your life down for your wife, and show respect and appreciation in an appropriate fashion to the women around you.  This amazing design of God (male and female) is a part of our strength.  Strong families in which parents raise their children while sacrificially loving each other will build up a nation.  But fractured homes in which we are all following our hearts breaks apart any firm foundation.  We end up doing the enemy’s work for him by destroying our own strengths.  In the name of freedom and power, our society undermines the very institution that can truly give both to men and women, and that is a godly marriage.

A Father Who Leads His Family Into Grace

God gives grace to the humble, but takes His stand against the proud.  Thus we are told that Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.  If we too want the grace of God upon ourselves and our families, we must learn humility.  All the things that we have talked about (seeking to be godly, and resisting the culture) require a man to humble himself and listen to God.  Father’s we must ask ourselves, “To where am I leading?”  What lies at the destination of the path that I am plotting and modeling to my children and the world around me?  It is not just me who experiences the destination of my life.  All those who are with me and in relationship with me experience it to.  In fact this is the reason of many fractured homes.  Instead of harmonizing around the goal of walking with God, we all pull in our own separate ways eventually straining the bonds to the point of breaking.  Men, do not let the enemy of your soul plunder what God has for you, and not just for your sake.  Do it for the sake of your family, and for the sake of other families that know you, perhaps even for the sake of our nation.  May God intervene and turn our hearts around as a nation.

Marching audio

The Godly Mother

Proverbs 22:6.  This sermon was preached by Pastor Marty Bonner on May 8, 2016 for Mother’s Day.

There are many adjectives that can be used to describe a mother.  Ultimately all of them would be classified as good or bad.  In our society today it is very clear that many women are struggling to embrace motherhood, much less being a good mother.  In fact that word can mean different things to different people.  I would suggest to you that for the believer being a good mom begins with being a godly mom.  A godly mom looks to Him for her direction, strength, wisdom, and purpose.  She wrestles with God and her child over those things out of her love for both.

Now we could highlight mistakes and errors that mom’s should avoid, and that would have its benefits.  However, it seems more important to strengthen the courage and dedication of mom’s so that the inevitable mistakes do not hijack their ability and desire to be a good mom.  Listen moms, don’t give up.  You are God’s gift to your child, mistakes and all.  Let the act of raising a child draw you closer to God and that will in turn draw you closer to your child.  Today we are going to look at a well known proverb that has given encouragement to some and a great sense of guilt to others.  Let’s look at it.

A Mom Trains Her Child

The word for child here is not a word that is focused on age.  It is a term that focuses on a person being untrained and in need of preparation for taking their place in society: an occupation, raising a family, etc…  Thus the term was used of a young person even up to the age of 30.  So this verse does have something to say about raising your small child.  But it is not limited to this.  A wise parent recognizes that part of their duty is to train and prepare this small child for taking their place in society.  The child will need a strong foundation of preparation that includes: instruction, discipline, and nurture (encouragement).

So what exactly is meant by the word training here?  The word points to a process of preparing someone for a trade or function.  However, it also has the sense of dedicating a person to that task.  As parents we can tend to focus so much on the right and wrong of teaching a child that we lose sight of the larger duty of launching a new person into society.  How we launch a young person into society is just as important as the things we have taught them.  Don’t get bogged down in the details of everything you can teach.  Instead keep in mind that the young person will grow up and make decisions for their self in the end.  Seek to be an influencer more than a teacher. 

This verse also reminds us that a child or even a young adult needs training.  Evolutionists see humans as just another animal.  However, we are the only “animal” that shows little if any true instincts.  The closest thing is our ability to pick up communication.  We are very dependent upon learning behavior from one another.  This pool of learning then becomes something that a young person can reflect upon and determine if they want to change or not.  Without nurture and instruction a child would die, and a young person trying to “reinvent the wheel” will be far less successful.  Thus this proverb is encouraging parents to give themselves to this task and teach them diligence, righteousness, integrity, etc. as well as the specific skills they need in life.  They are going to need both in everything that they do in life.

One thing the proverb leaves out is the issue of love (most likely because it is not focused on a parent with a small child).  You can teach your kid all the right things, but if you do it in a harsh, or resentful way, then it will harm the young person.  1 Corinthians 12 ends with this statement, “Earnestly desire the best gifts.  And yet, I show you a more excellent way.”  It then begins the next chapter with this, “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.”  Thus the Apostle Paul points out that having great gifts is not as important as using them in a loving way.  It could be said that though I spend every waking hour training my child until the day that he leaves, and yet have not love, it will profit me nothing.  Yes, love does correct and discipline.  But it also does so to successfully launch the child into life, rather than to control exactly what the young person does.  Of course, loving a child has its ups and its downs.  If we only look at the emotional side of love, we will see that it fluctuates often.  A young mom can come to resent the loss of “fun.”  They can also grow weary with the incessant needs of a child.  Yet, love is more than a feeling.  Love begins with a decision to act for the good of another person.  When Jesus faced the cross his emotions were putting on the brakes.  Yet, Jesus still decided to do the supreme act of love because he knew it would be for the good of all mankind.  Now let’s look at the second half of that proverb.

The Child Will Take Its Place In Life

No child remains a child, and no novice stays a novice.  The incessant persistence of a child to grow and change can be daunting to a parent.  However, the child will eventually become an adult regardless of what you do and how you do it.  All training comes to an end.  In fact, training often adapts to the stage of the person learning.  It will not help a young person if you teach a 16 year the same things and in the same way that you would a 2 year old.  Thus training must adapt and then eventually launch.  Yes, a person should continue training in any field, but at that point it becomes self-directed.  The adult has learned to become a self-directed learning.  A parent has to learn to step back and let the young adult begin living life.  Of course you want to be available and help as much as possible, but in the end, they need to live their life.  Prayer becomes a huge part of our duty at that stage.

It has been said that our eternal destiny is not to be fathers, mothers, and children.  Rather, it is to be brothers and sisters in the family of God.  Yes, in this life you are the “older, wiser sister.”  But you need to let your child grow up and take their place beside you in the family of God.

This brings me to my last point.  I mentioned at the beginning of the sermon that this proverb has given encouragement to some and a great sense of guilt to others.  What I meant by that is this.  Some people see it as a guarantee that if they teach their child to serve God then they won’t leave the faith when they are old.  Yet, those who have a child rebel, leave the faith, and perhaps die in unbelief, can feel a deep sense of guilt.  “What did I do wrong?  Why didn’t God bring them back to Him?”  Part of this dynamic is because we misunderstand how this verse is to be taken.  It is not intended to be taken as a promise or guarantee from God.  It is not a “recipe” for making a saved adult that always works.  Proverbs are sayings of wisdom that teach us the issues involved in making a wise decision.  A classic example of this is to look at these two proverbs.  “Rebuke a fool, lest he think he is wise.”  “Do not rebuke a fool, lest he turn and tear you.”  These give us insight into dealing with a fool, but they leave you with the question, “So when do I rebuke and when do I not?”  The wisdom comes from contemplating the weight of either result.  So one would not be quick to rebuke one who has proven to be a fool, but eventually the day will come when a rebuke must be given.  Thus, it is wise for a parent to train their child in the ways of the Lord and in the ways of society.  However, this verse is not a guarantee that they will not fail.  In fact, where other people are involved the outcome cannot and should not be controlled.  Without free-will we destroy any foundation for a loving relationship.  Thus, God Himself has taught mankind righteousness, but He does not try to control our choices and actions.  Why?  He does so because He wants a loving relationship with us and not the relationship of a slave.  So moms, don’t give up.  Love your child to the day they become an adult and beyond.  The time of training will come to an end.  Hopefully it will bear much fruit over the years.  But know this for sure, whether your child turns out good or not will be up to them.  Just make sure that you are a godly influence, and your Father in heaven will be pleased.

The Godly Mother audio