Putting on the "New Man" at Home

Colossians 3:18-22.  This sermon was preached by Pastor Marty Bonner on July 22, 2018.

I understand that the imagery used in Colossians three of the “new man” may seem to emphasize gender.  But we should not let our sensitivity to gender issues fog our understanding what Paul is saying here.  The new man is in reality Jesus, and both men and women are to put off their old self and take on a new life that is modeled and led by Christ.  Thus when I use this phrase for how we act at home it is a directive for men, women, and kids of both genders.  We are to all put on Christ live out his directives rather than remaining in our old way of thinking, feeling, and living.

Now, it is important to recognize that the concept of a family or home was instituted by God at the very beginning.  It is he who designed humans with split sexuality that required the union of a man and a woman.  When a man and a woman come together in marriage, they create a unit or a unity before God.  Typically, they will raise up children for the next generation, and in so doing they continue the cycle.  Their children will grow up, find a person of the opposite sex with whom they leave their parents and create a new home together, a new unity before God.  Yes, there are people who identify as homosexual etc. and who reject this.  But this is not the purpose of our time together today.  Here we are listening to what God has to say regarding how each member of the household should approach that unit.

Humanity has often warped this institution of God for its own ends.  In fact, in the fall of Genesis chapter three, God warns Eve that her sin would impact her relationship with her husband, and that effect has echoed throughout each generation.  It is not just humanity that is the problem, but rather humanity in its fallen state or sinful state.  In fact everything that people would point to as bad within marriage and family, can be directly attributed to sinfulness in the hearts of those doing it.  The answer is not to throw aside God’s institution, but rather to become better husbands, wives, parents and children.

In our passage Paul deals with three relationships that were very hierarchical in those days.  They were husband over wife, parents over children, and masters over their house-slaves.

Modern man often judges the Bible and its writers because they did not battle against these hierarchies.  However, they often do this because they do not understand that God calls us to a different battle.  As long as there are humans on this earth, hierarchical relationships will continue to exist.  In tearing down one system, we only find another hierarchy imposed upon us.  The systems of this world use envy and strife as the energy to keep the system moving forward.  As long as everyone is busy trying to destroy the hierarchy or become it, we lose sight of the true battle that will destroy us all; the battle in our hearts and minds.  If we toss aside the system of today and replace it with another system, we will only find another form of tyranny and hierarchy because people have a sin problem.  So instead of stirring up a slave riot, Christianity taught slaves how to break free of the slavery in their hearts and minds, a slavery to sin.  The purpose of this life is to overcome sin’s hold on our heart, regardless of where your place is in the current system.

Wives take your place with your husband

Paul speaks first to the wives in verse 18.  The women of Colosse in the first century were considered to be under their husband’s dominion.  There was a clear hierarchy.  I know that this is heresy in today’s environment.  It sounds like the Bible is supporting the hierarchy and dominance over women.  But that is a corrupt view of the verse and others like it in the Bible.  Instead of focusing on whether the hierarchy is good or not, wives are encouraged to submit to their husbands.  The term “submit” was actually a military term and referred to taking your place within a military hierarchy.  This does not mean a home should be run like a military organization.  Rather, it is a metaphorical usage.  The wife should take her place, whatever that may be (under or alongside) her husband.  I say this because there is more going on here than what this verse implies.

Look back at verse 11 in this chapter.  Paul had just established the reality that the old distinctions of this world are irrelevant in Christ.  “There is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all.”  He doesn’t mention male-female in that verse.  But the same argument used in Galatians 3:28 does.  The point is that those distinctions that the systems of this world use to place one side over the other are to become meaningless to believers.  Not meaningless in the sense that we pretend they don’t exist, but meaningless in the sense that those distinctions do not drive our thoughts, feelings, and actions.  That is part of the old life.  The new life looks to Christ to lead us in what we should think and what we should do (of course feelings go up and down all the time).  Thus Paul is not saying that the hierarchy is good.  He is simply telling the women that Christ wants them to take their place (whatever it may be) in the home.  In that day it was clearly a place under the leadership of their husbands.  In 21^st century USA it would be to take your place alongside your husband.  Notice this is Christ’s instructions to individual wives, not an instruction to societies or nations on how they should view the wife-husband relationship.  Thus cultures have a variety of expressions of this relationship, though a male-dominated model has been the most predominate.  We should not let our gender, race, economic status, class, or any other distinction drive our life.

Though our society has embraced the reality that the Bible is actually elevating the status of all underprivileged, it makes the mistake by promoting and inflaming those distinctions.  This only divides us further and keeps us from walking in the unity that God is trying to give us.  Instead of fighting their husbands for dominance, wives need to do their best to work with their husbands as a unit.  Our different gifts will allow for a diversity of expressions for how this would play out.  Today, we do not live in a cultural system with rigid, precise roles.  Husbands and wives have to work out together, with the Holy Spirit’s help, to run the household.  Even if your husband isn’t the Christian that he should be, a wife needs to focus on her obligation before God to work for unity in the home.

In each of these relationships you will find that we are told to do what would be the hardest thing for us to do.  Women had been under a dominance of men for millennia.  With the Gospel’s teaching that those distinctions no longer mattered, it would be easy to “throw off the yoke.”  Instead wives are told to take their place under their husband’s leadership.  Today, women are not in the exact same boat.  But, they still have had to deal with the dominance of men in relationships.  Instead of fighting men for dominance, go into the marriage and ask Christ how to bring peace and unity to it, at least for your part.

Before we move to men, I want to comment on the phrase, “as is fitting in the Lord.”  Again, we can interpret this to mean that it is fitting for women to be under men.  But that is a huge assumption.  He is telling women that it would not be fitting for a follower of Christ to try and take over.  The act of taking your place is what is fitting.  Voluntary submission neutralizes the hierarchical system by refusing to play the game of this world system.  Jesus epitomized this virtue in his life.  He submitted to the leaders of Israel and allowed himself to be crucified.  However, in so doing we are told that He overcame the world.  Thus if we are really following Jesus as our model, and He really is leading us, we will reject the rebel approach and adopt the humble servant model.  It is only fitting that Christians, men or women, who find themselves in a similar situation, should focus on honoring Christ rather than getting something for themselves.  Thus what is fitting in the Lord is to use the power and gifts that we have for others at the direction of Jesus, rather than for our own selfish purposes.  In Christ we voluntarily give up power in order to serve others.  Christ is the power.  When we adopt this attitude we neutralize the attempt of the spirit of this world to play us off of one another.

Husbands love your wives without bitterness

Husbands are also given a command, but notice that the command is not to make sure your wife is taking her place.  Instead husbands are told to love their wife, regardless of whether she “submits” or not, without being bitter.  It is easy for a person to become bitter when they don’t think they are getting what they should.  Christ tells husbands to drop that kind of attitude and instead simply love their wives.

In Ephesians 5, Paul gives the same command, but adds to it that husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Christ loved the Church.  Think about how much Jesus loved the Church.  He loved the Church so much that he laid his life down for us.  This is true physically, but also metaphorically.  Instead of using the power system of this world for His own ends, Jesus used his power for the sake of the Church.  So husbands must not use their power of position, physicality, or cultural standing for their own ends.  Rather, whatever the place of a husband in society, it should be used for the sake of the wife, period.  Love her, not love yourself by telling her how to best serve you.

In fact, Paul takes this one step further in Ephesians 5 by saying that the marital relationship is supposed to be a reflection of Christ’s relationship with the Church.  How well is my part of this marital relationship reflecting Christ?  Christ doesn’t verbally abuse the Church, or manhandle the Church.  He isn’t forcing himself upon the Church and overpowering it.  Historically the Church and husbands have muddied the waters of what Christ has called us to do.  But we cannot let the failures of the past direct our actions today.  We must look to Christ and ask Him to teach us how to love. In fact if we insert the concept here about what is fitting in the Lord, we would end up with a statement like this.  It is fitting in the Lord for a husband to use the power and gifts that he has for the sake of his wife at the direction of Jesus, rather than for his own selfish purposes!

Children obey your parents

Children are simply told to obey their parents.  Yes, Jesus expects children to reject the path of their “old man” and put on the “new man.”  Yet, instead of obeying parents because, “I said so,” they are to obey their parents in order to please Jesus.  Some parents cannot be pleased regardless what a kid does.  But kids, take heart.  Your job is not to please your mom and dad, but to do your best to please Jesus.  This can make all the difference and protects our hearts against the poison of rebellion.

It is God’s design that puts children in a loving home of a man and a woman who are working in unity for the good of that child, as directed by Christ.  However, it is our sin that messes up every aspect of that last sentence.  None of us should use the sin of the other people in the family to justify rebellion against the commands of Christ.  This world does its best to stir up kids against the leadership of their parents.  It also demoralizes parents to the point that they either give up trying to train their children, or they buy into the lies of this world system and neglect them.

Let me just say that no kid deserves to be abused by their parents or any guardian for that matter.  It is up to the other adults in their life to be a help when abuse happens.  However, we are headed to the place that to teach your child to serve Christ is labeled as child abuse.  So we need a balance here.  Kids have a need to learn to follow the leadership of their parents before they can take on the leadership of their own life as an adult.

Fathers don’t stir up your children

Though this is addressed to fathers, it would apply to both parents.  In the child-parent relationship, the kid has no power.  Some of that has been moderated with education and CPS, etc.  Here Christ commands fathers not to purposefully stir up their children, or exasperate them.  The word translated here has the idea that you are provoking them to the point that they are angry and wrathful.  Parents should always be monitoring the heart of the child because our job is not to force them into a hierarchical system, but to help them grow up and become like Jesus.

The caution is further defined by the fact that if we go too far, we can discourage the child.  The term translated “discouraged” in verse 21 basically means to break the spirit of the child.  Each child is an image-bearer of God who is destined to take their place in the ranks of God’s people.  In that sense they are your little brother or sister.  Instead of correcting and teaching out of hurt and exercising dominance, we are to correct and teach children out of love and in order to help them become like Christ.  All parents should learn to use their power and gifts, not to spoil a child rotten, but to prepare them for life and help them to become like Jesus, without breaking their spirit and discouraging them away from Him.

Slaves obey your masters

Though I mentioned this earlier, I must reiterate that it is easy to be angry that the Bible doesn’t tell us to throw off slavery and all masters.  However, Christ calls slaves to a different battle.  Over the process of time, Christians were able to see the truth of the Scriptures and come up with a system that removed these social inequities.  However, let us not lose the point of the Scriptures.  What does it profit a slave to be emancipated within society and yet still be in chains to sin on the inside?  Yes, his few years in this world may be happier, possibly.  But, he will be in a world of hurt when he stands before God.

We must recognize that the world’s system always has slaves, whether they are called that or not.  In fact, there is still slavery going on in the USA today.  It has just been swept under the rug and exists in seedy places, where women, children, and men are trafficked in order to satisfy the cravings of wicked people.  We should continue to do our best to remove this blight from our society.  However, that societal battle cannot save a person’s soul.

We should also take note that this passage is not talking about those who are pressed into slavery illegally. 

Slaves are given a hard command just as husbands, wives, and children; obey your masters.  First of all we should notice the qualification that these “masters” are master in regard to the body only.  Men have often bought and sold the bodies of other humans.  But it is up to the slave whether they have also purchased their soul.  A master cannot control your heart and mind unless you let him.  They cannot control your ability to worship God in the holies of holies of your own heart and mind.  Thus slaves can serve their masters as an act of worship to their true master in heaven.  I don’t have time to go into all the ways that the slavery that happened throughout the United States of America, and elsewhere, was actually breaking the commands of Scripture.  But please hear the heart of Paul’s message.  The answer is not in breaking out of the situation, but in first, breaking free from the sins of your own heart.

Secondly, two words are used to challenge how Christian slaves served their masters.  The first word is “eye-service,” and the second is “men-pleasers.”  Eye-service refers to the fact that a worker will tend to be lazy when the boss is not around, and then start working hard when the boss is looking.  This is how the flesh is when we are focused on pleasing people in order to get what we want.  Christians are called to reject being a “man-pleaser.”  Instead we are to please God.

Technically the Bible emancipates all Christian slaves from their masters and tells them to serve their earthly masters as a service to Christ.  Now they are to be the best slave possible, working hard even when they are not being watched.  They are to do a sincere job in the fear of God, not their earthly master.  This may seem to be a heartless command on one hand.  However, how much more heartless is it to encourage people to rebel, and yet leave them in shackles to their own sinful hearts?  Only the Holy Spirit can help us to see the radical call of God to break the hold that the system of this world has on your heart.  Even in choosing the path of the rebel, you are only satisfying the systems need to energize for the next developing system.  Meanwhile people go on not dealing with their own hearts.

In our society we have technically taken the slave class and moved it into the poor class.  Today we are tempted in our jobs to be pit against our employers.  Yes, many employers of this world are taking advantage of their employees.  But, as a Christian it is not my job to rebel against the employers of this world.  Rather, it is my job to give an honest day’s work out of respect for Christ.  The rest is between Christ and my employer.  Christians should be the best employees that the world can hire because we have learned to use our power and gifts for the sake of others, regardless of what we get from them in return.

Let me close this by challenging us today.  Don’t let the world dictate what you believe and what you will do.  Instead serve Christ with your life.  Let Him teach you how to quit this system of pitting one group against another.  Let Him teach you how to use your power and gifts to bless others in your life, starting at home, and working outward from there.  Let Christ teach you how to root out those hurts and that bitterness, which keeps you circling the same drain over and over again.  Let His Holy Spirit lift you up out of the bondage to which this world seeks to chain you.

New Man at Home