Honor Your Mother

Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:2-3.

This sermon was preached by Pastor Marty Bonner on Mother’s Day Sunday, May 10, 2026.

When it comes to honoring others, we have become a culture that is really bad at it.  It is not that we don’t honor things, but that we do it superficially and in superficial ways.

We love to exalt people as heroes quickly.  We love to idolize them and try to be like them.  However, we also love to tear them down quickly, even crucify them.

The Bible shows us a better way.  Honor is something that comes from God, and we do it best when we do it as He has shown us.

Let’s look at our passages.

We are to honor our mother

There is no way around the Bible’s command to honor our mothers.  Some may challenge that this is part of the Law of Moses in the Old Testament, and we are not under the law.

This same argument is used in a different form when atheists accuse Christians of picking which laws in the Old Testament they follow and which ones they don’t.

This is not what Christianity is doing.  In fact, this represents an intellectually dishonest or lazy attempt at summing up the New Testament.  The New Testament writers are very clear on why some laws from the Old Testament are still given to Christians and why others are not.

To honor your mother (and father) is not part of the dietary laws, i.e., which foods you can or can’t eat.  The dietary laws were not given because of something inherently bad about certain foods.  They were given as a spiritual teaching aid.  Acts 10 shows us exactly why Christians do not continue the dietary laws.  The death and resurrection of Jesus provided for the cleansing of all people (Jews and Gentiles).  This was the spiritual reality that the dietary laws represented. 

The ritual and sacrificial laws were also fulfilled in the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross.  Christians offer spiritual sacrifices to God, but we do not try to build temples and sacrifice animals.  Jesus is our once-and-for-all perfect sacrifice.

There is one more category of laws in the Old Testament, moral laws.  Murder did not become acceptable for Christians because they are no longer “under the law of Moses.”  Murder is always wrong, and so is dishonoring your parents.  These are moral issues that have selfish motivations surfacing from our hearts.

Throughout the New Testament, the apostles reiterate (like Paul does in Ephesians 6:2-3) these moral laws.  Christians do not do them because it is in the Old Testament.  We do them because God wants us to love one another (i.e., not act out of selfish motivations).  A good way to understand the 10 commandments of Exodus 20 is to recognize that they show us how to love God (commandments 1-4) and how to love people (commandments 5-10).

This is not a double standard, nor is it a legalistic following of the Law.  It is following the Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit that He has poured out into our lives.

We can note that Jesus was a man who honored others, even when they dishonored him.

So, what exactly is honor?  The Hebrew word behind our translation has the sense of that which is heavy and has glory.  Your mother has the glory of being a very heavy thing in your life that should not be treated lightly.  Honor has to do with who your mother is, but also about your proper response to that place of honor.

Of course, your mother is not God.  Her honor is not greater than God’s honor.  Still, her honor comes from God Himself who made us a species that propagates the next generation through moms and dads.

If you think that your mother isn’t valuable in your life, then you need to change and work on giving value, weight, honor to who and to what she is in your life.

How a person honor has some changes as they mature.  An infant can’t understand this issue.  We don’t expect them to “honor their mother.”  Yet, an infant grows into a toddler and a young child.  Children need to show honor by respecting and obeying their parents (Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20).

I guess it is theoretically possible for a mom to tell a child to do something bad or illegal.  However, that is the exception and not the norm.  Even non-Christian moms generally do not tell their kids to do such things.  Yes, extreme actions create extremely difficult circumstances that affect how we show honor.  This does not remove our responsibility to honor our moms.

Does anyone perfectly honor their mom and dad?  I don’t think so.  In fact, even moms and dads didn’t perfectly honor their mom and dad.  We need grace both ways, from parents to kids and from kids to parents.  Of course, kids don’t always understand this until they grow up and have a family of their own.

Teenagers especially kick against obeying their parents.  They are knocking at the door of adulthood and desire to jump into it too quickly.  They recognize that they don’t always think like their parents.  Yet, they still need to honor their parents through obedience while they are living with them.

It may seem to take forever, but kids eventually become adults.  What does it mean for us to honor our mothers when we are adults?

When a child moves out and starts their own life, they still need to honor their parents.  You should still respect them, but the area of obedience drops off.  You are no longer a child in their home.  Instead of giving commands, parents now become a source of valuable counsel in your life.  You honor them when you leave room for their counsel or even seek it out.  Of course, parents should honor their adult children by recognizing the role of parenting has changed.  Counseling others is an area fraught with pitfalls.  Moms can make the mistake of giving counsel in dishonoring ways, and adult children can make the mistake of receiving counsel in dishonoring ways.

Treat their input and counsel as valuable.  Hear them out without hurt and anger.  Yet, let it be what it is, a more experienced adult giving advice to a less experienced one.

Parents can mean well, but they are not God.  They don’t always know what is best for you.  Pray over their counseling.  Seek God’s wisdom on how to incorporate it.  Yet, you are seeking God’s will.  In the end, we honor God above even our parents.

There is one more change that happens.  When your parents enter their declining years, you should respect and care for them.  Not every parent declines in the same way.  Some do so quickly versus slowly.  Some decline at a relatively young age versus at an old age.  Some require great amounts of help and care while others require very little.  Yet, they will all need assistance.

This is a role reversal in some ways.  Yet, your parents do not become your children.  You should respect their wishes and desires while counseling them on decisions they need to make.  You should work hard to help them retain their dignity as much as possible.  In fact, it is important to stay connected to your parents enough that you know when you need to step in and start assisting them.

In some ways, you are paying them back for the years they took care of you when you couldn’t do it for yourself.  Yet, this is not an equation.  Some kids can chafe at how long and how much care a parent needs.  Do I only “owe” them the same number of years I was in their home?  This is a dishonorable way of approaching the issue.

You are honoring the place that God has given them in your life.  God wants you to care for them.  This is not to be treated lightly and cast aside.  Don’t kick against God’s will in your life but learn to embrace it with a love for Him and a love for your mother.

What if my mom (my dad) lived a dishonorable life?  What if there is nothing to respect and honor?  It is true that this presents a tough situation for you.  Some moms abandon their kids and then show up in their adult years.  Some moms were there but were hurtful and harmful in your life.  Maybe they changed later or maybe they didn’t.  These are all tough circumstances.  What does it mean to honor in these cases?

This brings up the issue of our motivation.

The motivation for honor

On one hand, we can simply say that God tells us to do it, and so we must do it.  It is true that to honor our parents in their declining years is to honor the God who tells us it is important.

On the other hand, we should not treat this subject as if we have no understanding about why God wants us to do it.

If you had wonderful parents as a kid, you will most likely feel a strong desire to bless them because you love them.  It may not even seem like a chore.  This is a glimpse of the best-case scenario.  Yet, it is interesting that the 5^th commandment issues a promise of prolonging your days in the land.  Paul adds the phrase, “that it may be well with you…”

Of course, this is not a guarantee that nothing bad will happen in your life but that in comparison, it will be good to have honored and not good to have failed to do so.  Honoring your mom does something within you that is better for your life moving forward.  Honoring shapes you in good ways and dishonoring shapes you in bad ways.

As mortals, we cannot live both lives and choose which we think is better.  We either trust God or don’t.  Yet, even more than this, we can look at the lives of others who are honoring and those who are dishonoring their parents.  We can see whether this leads to a better life or a worse life.  I think there is plenty of data to support that God is correct in this area.

If you are struggling to honor your mom or simply doing a poor job at it, let’s look at some areas of motivation beyond trusting God.

First, you can honor your mom for the work they have done.  No mom is perfect, but many moms have chosen to stick in there and care for their kids when they couldn’t do it for themselves.  Putting all nit-picking aside, they did care for you.  Imagine life without them.

Second, you can honor your mom for the sheer difficulty of the task.  Even if they did a lousy job, we can recognize that there were personal hurts, wounds and fears that were behind their lousy job.  Not all of us are as wise as Solomon, and it is even harder when a mom has abuse and tragedy in her life.  There are tough decisions in life.  It is easy to choose the easier path while failing the test of doing the right thing, the good thing.  The junk in their heart and mind interferes with their ability to make good decisions.

Of course, we do not honor them for doing a poor job.  We simply recognize it was a difficult time for them.  It doesn’t make it right.  However, their failure to step up in a tough situation is exactly what you are wrestling with.  You are in a tough situation and are letting hurt and wounds drive you towards making a decision that is not good for your parents.  Do you want mercy?  To give them mercy is to make the case for your own need for mercy.

In fact, God is challenging you to see His heart for redemption, redeeming your parent and redeeming you.  Perhaps, you are God’s last attempt to break through the hurts and failures of their life.

Third, you can honor your mom for the place and purpose God has given them in your life.  God gave you your mom just as much as He gave you to them.  Regardless of how well or bad they did, we can honor God by helping them when they need it (or will accept it).  God is asking you to love them and minister to them.  They may be a porcupine of a person who is impossible to hug but this is God’s challenge to you.  Many an adult child has led a parent to the Lord who had lived a selfish life in rebellion against God and to the hurt of their kids.

Forgiveness is not saying what they did was good or even okay.  It is saying, I refuse to mistreat you because you mistreated me.  It is seeking to overcome evil with good.  Only the Spirit of Christ can do this kind of a work within us.

May God help us to honor our mothers ever day moving forward.  In ourselves, we are empty vessels.  But in Christ, we can be a full cup of blessing to others even when they have brought hurt and pain into our lives.  This is becoming like Jesus.