The Acts of the Apostles 78

Subtitle: Farewell to the Ephesian Elders II

Acts 20:25-38.  This sermon was preached by Pastor Marty Bonner on September 1, 2024.

We are picking up in the middle of Paul’s farewell to the elders of the Ephesian church while he is in Miletus.  These are clearly Paul’s last words to them.  He does not expect to come back.

In the previous verses, Paul has reminded them of the example of his life while he was among them.  He then spoke about his present example of steadfastly and boldly going towards persecution in Jerusalem.

At verse 25, Paul begins to speak to the future ahead of them in which he will no longer be with them or able to visit.  He isn’t dying, but the message that he is giving does have that feel to it.  In short, the Apostle Paul does not want to leave any important thing unsaid.  He does not expect to have another chance.

Let’s look at our passage.

Paul exhorts them about the future (v. 25-31)

Paul explains that he knows they will not see him again.  He then speaks about the nature of his leaving.  He has been faithful to preach the Kingdom of God to them.  This Kingdom has both present and future aspects to it.

Yes, Christians are a family, and salvation is being brought into God’s family through Jesus.  However, the Kingdom references have deep roots into the Old Testament with the promised Anointed Son of David who would rule over God’s Kingdom.  Of course, Jesus is no normal king.  He is seated at the right hand of God the Father, having all authority and power over the heavens and the earth.  Paul had preached to them the open door for all to become citizens of this Kingdom of Messiah Jesus.  Those who enter the Kingdom of God receive the life of Christ flowing into and through them by the Holy Spirit.  Christians are to be a kind of preview of the future Kingdom Age when Jesus will return physically and rule from this earth.

Paul also speaks of being innocent of the blood of all men.  Essentially, he is saying that it will not be his fault if any of them fail to survive the judgment of Jesus at the end of their lives.  He had declared to them the whole counsel of God.  They were not missing any critical information for which they had to wait.  They had everything needed for living their lives in godliness, in short, how to please God.

They had heard the truth, and to hear the truth is to be responsible for it before God.  He was leaving and their eternity would be between them and God.

Of course, it had always been between them and God.  No one can repent for you and have faith in Jesus for you.  However, the Lord Jesus had sent Paul into the lives of these Ephesians (just as He sends you to others) to share the good news of salvation in him.  Thus, God can use Paul today to assist them, and then use others tomorrow.  Ultimately, our spiritual walk is dependent upon our relationship with Jesus. They will not be able to point to Paul and say that he had failed to warn them.

In verse 28, Paul exhorts them to pay attention to themselves and the flock of God that they were in.  Since Paul will no longer see them, the whole burden that Paul had helped them with was now coming upon them.  They would first need to pay close attention to their own lives so that they could then pay close attention to the flock of God in which they had been placed.  They would work together to care for the Ephesian believers.  Notice that this follows the pattern that Jesus gave in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 7.  Before we make judgments in the lives of others, we must first exercise judgment in our own life.  Of course, we do not judge with our own thoughts, but by the truth of the Word and by the Spirit of God.  Those who live a life of watching over their own souls will be able to be a help to others in the same endeavor.

We should also see that Paul emphasizes how they had come to this authority of elder and watching over the flock.  It was the Holy Spirit that had made them “overseers,” which comes from the Greek word “episkopos.”  This is where we get the word Episcopal.  It is also the root for the English word “bishop.”  Episkopos was borrowed into Latin as episcopus.   Latin was spoken by Christians for over a thousand years before English became a thing.  It was common for the sound of /p/ to devolve into a /b/.  Thus, the sound would be more like ebiscopus.  English doesn’t use endings and the initial “e” was dropped creating the English word biscop, and then bishop. 

Episcopalians is a term used for a church that highlights the rule of bishops over the Church with one bishop over each church- as opposed to congregational, which believe that the people of the church are to rule themselves.  Another word used in this issue is the term presbyterian.  A presbyter is an elder.  This emphasizes the rule of elders over a church.

Regardless of all these different views on Church polity, the terms overseer (bishop) and shepherd (pastor) are not about a title.  Jesus didn’t die so that men could have titles of authority over one another.  These are functions that are intended to assist, to help, the body of Christ.  Their essential purpose is not about elevating one person over another, but about letting the Holy Spirit use us to come alongside of others in their relationship with the Lord Jesus.  We must not lose sight of this purpose.

An overseer is just another way of speaking about a shepherd, or pastor.  The Greek word has at its root the concept of one who feeds.  The pastor term essentially emphasizes assisting in the care of all that a sheep (believer) needs.  Of course, pastors must also recognize that they too are a sheep doing a work for the Good Shepherd, who is the true head of the Church.  The feeding here is spiritual nutrition, which we obtain from the Word of God.  Shepherds are to give the church words of care rather than control.  Wise sheep will learn to hear the voice of Christ through the care of godly overseers and shepherd.

I like to used Psalm 23 to see all the things that a sheep needs, and consequently, all the things that pastors are to focus their ministry upon.  Sheep need “green pastures,” which is the spiritual food of God’s Word.  Sheep also need “peaceful waters,” which is both the Word of God and the ministry of the Holy Spirit.  They also need protection in “the valley of the shadow of death.”  Pastors are only one of the ways that the rod and staff of Christ is used to comfort His people.  Lastly, we can see that the psalmist’s head is anointed with oil.  This can be about the blessing of the Holy Spirit, but with sheep, anointing had more to do with medical care, whether preventative or for healing after an injury.  Believers need help in healing from the wounds of life, and preventatively avoiding some wounds of life.

In verse 29, Paul points to two particular threats that these overseers and pastors should deal with.  The first has to do with “savage wolves” that will com from outside the church.  They are not Christians, though they may pretend such.  Even the metaphorical use of wolf harkens back to the beast kingdoms of Daniel, of which Rome represented one.  These wolves are merely little beastly chips off of the beast block.  These wolves only come for one thing.  They see the sheep as a meal.  Of course, this is not literal, but metaphorical.  They consume people spiritually for financial gain and for their own pride.  Their actions are as destructive as a wolf among sheep.  They destroy the believers by destroying their faith in Christ and robbing them of their eternal inheritance.

The second threat comes from perverse men that will rise up from within the church.  These are believers who have become twisted in their doctrine and thereby also in their actions.  They are on a journey of becoming less and less like the Lord Jesus, whom they claim to serve.  Now, all of us fall short of Jesus.  So, we should be careful in nitpicking each other’s lives in order to label them as perverse men.  Yet, people can become dangerously off course, whether through pride, or through wounds.

What do these perverse men see in the sheep?  We are told that they desire to draw the disciples away to themselves.  They are fixated on “their” ministry, their kingdom, and their glory.  They are too infatuated with being a leader of men rather than being a follower of Jesus.

We are to guard against and recognize the wolves who come in, and we are to guard against the twisting of doctrine and the twisting of living out godliness.  This is actually the duty of all Christians who claim to love the Lord who bought them with His blood.  However, those in leadership bear a greater responsibility, a more severe judgment if they fail to pay attention.  Paul mentions that this was so important to him that he had warned them night and day with tears when he was with them. 

You may not be an official overseer in your church, but when you spend time in the Word of God, and spend time talking with God in prayer, then the Holy Spirit will cause you to see any dangers that come into your life, and into your local church.

Notice that these break down into external and internal threats.  This isn’t just true of the church as a group.  It is also true of us as an individual.  What am I watching out for as I pay close attention to my own life?  I am looking for those ways that the devil brings from the outside into my heart, i.e., temptations from situations and people, but I am also looking for those internal threats that come from my own heart and mind.  Arrogance, pride, lusts, and desires, if not pruned, will grow a thicket of weeds within even the best of overseers, thus destroying their souls.  Be watchful over your life and take possession of your soul by faith in Christ.

Paul entrusts them to God (v. 32-38)

Verse 32 begins with the conclusion to this farewell.  He was a spiritual father to this church and these men.  He had founded it, and he was a vital part of its spiritual success.  However, all spiritual parents, just as natural parents, will hit points along the road when we must entrust our kids to their Heavenly Father.  Of course, they are always in His care, but this is about ways in which we are bowing out of their life.

This happens when they reach maturity and move out into life on their own.  You may still have influence through letters, emails, phone calls, etc.  But, they are no longer in your house as little kids.  The relationship changes.  This is also true as one approaches death.  A parent knows that they will no longer be able to do anything after death.  This one that I have cared for throughout all of their (spiritual) life is now cast upon the Lord.   At particular stages of their life, God used you for their good and in different ways.  Now you are bowing out of that role.   Of course, God can use others, but there is also the fact that children grow up to become parents themselves.  Spiritual maturity comes through the tough decisions where we step up in Christ in ways that others stepped up for us.

In verse 32, Paul also points out that God and His Word can build them up.  God through His Holy Spirit, with His Holy Word, and in the community of holy believers builds us up.  This is the same language of Ephesians 4:13, where we are being built up in order to be more like Christ.  This is both individually and corporately.  A spiritual building must have a good spiritual foundation, and that foundation is Jesus.  God has started this building when we put our faith in Jesus, and He will finish this building when we are resurrected and stand in His presence.

Part of our discipleship is learning to cooperate with this work of God among those who have been sanctified, i.e., set apart for God’s holy purpose, of being conformed into the image of Jesus.

Paul refers to an inheritance that is ours in Christ.  This inheritance is definitely an eternal inheritance as an adult son of God.  In this sense, we inherit all things with Christ! 

Yet, this inheritance does have some downpayments within this life.  We inherit a place among God’s people, shining the light of Jesus to the world around us.  We inherit the glory of being a witness of Jesus to a lost and dying world.  We inherit the joy of being used of God to bring some to salvation, and to be persecuted as he was by others.  We are entering into our eternal inheritance even now in our mortal flesh.

Through a series of statements, Paul emphasizes that they follow his example of using strength to care for the weak.  The weak in this context is the Ephesians themselves.  When Paul was among them, he did not have them financially care for him.  Instead, he worked in his tent-making trade in order to supply his needs and the needs of the men with him.  He also did this with the Corinthian church.  In fact, he pointed out to them that other churches sent him money while he was in Corinth so that he could continue to minister to them.

Instead of despising those who are financially weak, or spiritually weak, etc., Paul used his strengths to cover for their weakness, and to help them to become stronger.  He even taught them to care for the Judean church when they were hurting from famine.  Here is the thing.  If we do not use our strengths to help the weak, then we will begin to become weak ourselves.  We will begin to become twisted and not like our Lord.  Jesus laid his life down for us while we were yet sinners (very weak).

Paul wasn’t trying to make money (silver or gold) from them, nor was he looking to have nice clothes.  He was not ministering for material gain.  Instead, he modeled the words of the Lord Jesus.  “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

In many places, Jesus challenged his followers to be givers.  The sermon on the mount speaks to this and the blessing that comes from it.  However, these words are not recorded in the Gospels in this form.  Is this a mistaken quote by Paul?

I believe that this falls into the category that the Apostle John identified in John 21:25.  Jesus said many things and they were not all recorded in the Gospels.  Also, Paul had several visions where the Lord Jesus spoke directly to him.  These are the words of Christ, even if you cannot find them in the Gospels.

There are a lot of people ministering today under the banner of Jesus Christ who pride themselves in their clothing, in the expensive vehicles they drive, as if these are proof that they are a great apostle.  Jesus’ proof of His Apostleship was dying on the cross for us.  The Apostle Paul followed in the footsteps of his Lord.  He wasn’t looking to get anything in the flesh.  He was among them to give.  This is the true mark of an apostle.

Finished with his message, Paul prays with the elders.  He is doing more than setting an example here.  He knows that they will need God’s help to succeed in all that he has put in front of them.  He wants them to overcome, and thus, he prays for them God’s help.  God is ultimately our source and the only way that we will overcome this world by faith.

We then have a great show of emotion in tears and kissing.  This is not a lack of faith, but a recognition of the will of God.  Sometimes God’s will takes away from us.  We are never happy about the leaving of a loved one, nor their death.  Even if they are in a better place, such as heaven, we miss having their fellowship and strength in our lives.  It is only right to grieve the passing of a godly person.

However, this is a godly sorrow and godly tears.  It is full of thanksgiving and gratitude to God for His many gifts into our lives.  In fact, Jesus himself was full acquainted with tears and sorrow.  He wept over Jerusalem and its coming betrayal of him.  Serving Jesus will have times of laughter and times of tears.  In all of it, we have the assurance that God the Father is working all things to the good. 

The scene ends with them seeing Paul and company off at the ship, which is a metaphor for many things in life.  Yet, the God of all comfort stays with them, even as He goes with Paul.  Let us hold fast to this wonderful truth!

Farewell II audio

What Are We Doing at Abundant Life? Connect Part 1

Matthew 11:28-30; John 4:23-24; 15:2-4; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Romans 8:14-17.  This sermon was preached by Pastor Marty Bonner on Sunday, April 19, 2020.

In this modern world, there are many who see the Church as an antiquated relic of the past that holds no help for modern man.  Of course, if the Church was only an organization created by humans then that would be true.  However, if what the evidence from history tells us is true then the Creator of the Church was not just a human.  And, that makes all the difference.  Yes, humans were involved, but that doesn’t discount the overall work of God, and we should not be quick to toss it aside.

I want us to stop looking at what people have done in and through the Church, whether when we were kids or even recently as adults.  Instead, I want us to stop and just listen to what the Creator of the Church said that he intended for the Church to accomplish.  When you simply look at what Jesus told his Church to do, you find a revolutionary concept that is timeless, and one that saves us from our own penchant for self-destruction, whether as individuals or as a world.

In some ways, this sermon is about convincing people to connect to Jesus.  If you are a believer, it may come across a bit like a married person watching a wedding.  However, that can be a good thing because it reminds us why we married in the first place; it reminds us of when our love was fresh.  Let this sermon inspire you to a deeper connection and a more intimate relationship with Jesus.

Whole-Life Worship

Years ago, our leadership sat down and worked to develop a model or image that would picture exactly what Jesus said he wanted to accomplish through us and the Church world-wide.  Here is what we developed (figure 1).

figure 1

At the heart of this picture, is the concept of whole-life worship.  Everything that we do should be in worship of God.  Yet, even those things that we do should be instructed and informed by the Spirit of God working in us.  As we focus our whole life upon Jesus, he teaches us and leads us in fulfilling God’s purposes rather than the destructive purposes that our heart and mind draw us towards.

So, what does God want us to be doing as an individual Christian and as a local expression of his Church?  It all begins with connecting to Jesus and moves around this cross through three other facets and back to connect again.  They are all happening at the same time, and yet, they are connected to one another.  They are all different facets of our worship of God through our life.  The more you try to analyze them and break them apart, the more they all sort of dissolve and fall back into worship of God.

I should say that, by worship, I mean living in such a way as to demonstrate that God is worth more to us than anything else.  It is literally all that we do to show that God is worthy of our life.

We connect to Jesus as a declaration that God is worth it.

We grow to become like Jesus as a declaration that God is worth it.

We serve Jesus in the way that he tells us to do as a declaration that God is worth it.

And finally, we share Jesus with others as a declaration that God is worth it.

In short, this image pictures the full, abundant life that God wants you to have on this side of eternity.  However, abundant life doesn’t end at death; it has only just begun.  In fact, Jesus is Abundant Life and the only source of it for all humanity.

We have simplified this whole image into the mission statement: “Connecting people to the Abundant Life found in Jesus Christ.”  Everything begins with connection to Jesus and it ends with connection with Jesus.  Let’s look at some Scriptures about connecting (figure 2).

The Call

Figure 2

In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus is calling us to come to him.  There is much in the Scriptures that emphasizes the rebellion of humanity against the Creator, and the judgment that has come upon the whole world because of it.  However, the other side of the coin is that God does not want to leave us under that judgment.  He wants to save us.  Like Adam and Eve, we run from God when we realize that we have broken His ways.  However, God came after them, not to destroy them, but to redeem them.

Have you ever stopped to think that Jesus is inviting you to come to him?  Before we get into the details, just let it sink into your heart and mind that God is calling out to you and inviting you to come to Him.  Why would He do that if He only wanted to judge and destroy you?  He wouldn’t, and He doesn’t.

The Bible tells us that God is patient towards us, not willing that anyone should perish, but that all would come to repentance through faith in Jesus.  He simply says, “Come to me.”  There are many who have written Jesus off as a mythical story like Santa Claus.  Others are simply afraid to get involved with any religious leader.  Don’t just pass him by.  Take a hard look in this passage, and others, and see just who this guy is who is telling you to come to him.

Jesus is describing those whom he is calling, those who are laboring under a heavy burden in their life.  Human governments at any level very rarely actually care about the difficulties of your life.  Jesus is not talking about how bad it is to have to work for a living.  Work is not what makes life heavy.  It is the pressure that we put on ourselves, and the pressure that society puts upon us to live for purposes and goals that God never intended.  It is the lack of true care for your soul that makes life heavy.  Yet, like a loving parent whose child has gone far, far astray, God still cares for you and longs for you to come to Him.  He knows how tough it has been.  He actually has compassion for your predicament.

Thus, He offers you rest.  This is the same kind of rest that God gave to Israel on the seventh day, when all the other nations were out breaking their backs seven days a week.  It was always intended to be much more than a physical rest from work.  It was a rest from the pressure that everything depends upon us.  It is learning to rest, to lean, upon the grace and help of your heavenly Father.

Today, humanity has co-opted God’s plan for rest and added another day for pleasure.  But, what has it become?  For many, the weekend is no rest, but a flurry of activity which leaves us empty.

It is interesting that, after Jesus says that he will give us rest, he offers us a yoke.  The imagery is that of a beast of burden like an ox.  A yoke would be used to harness the ox to a cart, a plough, or a carriage.  Thus, a yoke represents the work and the purpose to which we are connected.  No matter how free you try to be, you cannot grow up in this world without having a multitude of yokes around your neck.  We can get to the point of near suffocation under them.  Some are from yourself, and many others are from the world around you, but Jesus offers a different yoke, a lighter yoke.  Yes, it is a burden; that is, it is a purpose and a task.  However, it is singular and good.  You are exchanging a large number of heavy yokes for a single light yoke.  This yoke does not leave you worn-out, over-burdened, and empty.  It leaves you rested and satisfied.  It is not tyranny.

So, God is calling you to come and connect to Him through Jesus.  Jesus is our point of contact with the Creator.  However, we need to take a closer look at the connection itself.

The Connection

In John 4:23-24, Jesus tells us that God is looking for people who will worship Him in spirit and in truth.  In short, He is looking for people who will connect to Him in a relationship of faithful worship.  This connection is spiritual, but also real (truth).  It is a spiritual connection that cannot be shut-off, taxed, or infringed upon by this world.  These are not just nice archetypal stories meant to inspire us into performing certain roles.  This is a real offer from our heavenly Father saying that we can connect to Him by connecting to Jesus.

Jesus came into this world to do many things, but one of the greatest of them was to create a real point of connection between us and God.  Later in John 15:1-4, Jesus gives us the image of a vine that has branches connected to it.  He tells us that he is the vine and that we are the branches.  God intends us to be branches that have a living connection to Jesus, a connection through which we can draw life.

This spiritual and real connection to Jesus is able to make our lives fruitful.  We are not talking about being able to build an international business that makes you billions of dollars.  Of course, God could bless you with that, but it alone is not the fruit that He is looking for.  He is looking for a life that is itself life-giving, no matter what station or level of ability you find yourself.

Jesus tells us that he will pour into us when we connect to him.  That life will work inside of us until it produces external evidence of its internal existence, that is fruit.  Everyone in the world bears some kind of fruit, but most of it is deadly.  Only the fruit that Christ produces in us can truly give life.  He mentions that when we are fruitful, there will be times of pruning (John 15:2-3).  Pruning is part of becoming more fruitful.  Sometimes, perfectly good things in my life need to be cut off in order to focus more energy on doing what has eternal value, as opposed to temporary and transient value.

The fruit of my life comes from what is at the center of my heart.  So, what is at the center of our hearts?  Is my heart connected to Jesus, or is it connected to the desires of my flesh and the hopes of this world?

The third thing about this connection is that it needs to continue or persevere (vs. 4).  You can’t connect for a while in order to get a little bit of religion; you know, just enough to do a person good.  This is about much more than an ethical framework for life.  Jesus tells us to “Abide,” or “Remain” in him.  The word has the idea of taking up residence in him, making him your home for life, i.e. like a marriage.

If we don’t have a real and living connection that is healthy and fruitful then the perseverance of our connection can be threatened more easily.  There is a spiritual enemy called the devil who is looking for people to devour.  He devours us spiritually to the point that we see no hope in God, and especially in Jesus.  We have to guard our hearts from the temptations and philosophies of this world that would draw us away from continuing to trust in Jesus.

Now, the imagery of a vine and branches is very informative, but it does come across as kind of cold, when you think about human relationships.  This is because the analogy points to something much bigger than itself.  We are not connecting to a religion, but to a relationship with the Lord of Life!  The more noble image is that of a family relationship.

A New Creation

In 2 Corinthians 5:17, it says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”  When we connect to Jesus, we become a new creation, a new person.  There is a difference in us that is new, and yet needs to grow, like a newborn baby.  This creates a tension between the “old me” and the “new me.”  This verse says that the “old things have passed away.”  Another way to say this is that we have moved past our old way of living.  It doesn’t mean it no longer tries to tempt us back.  Rather, I have reached a place where I am moving past the old selfish life and choosing to live for God and His purposes.  I am now spiritually alive and responding to the Holy Spirit within this fallen world.  Of course, we are not mind-swiped.  The old me is there struggling to regain control.  However, its way of living produced very little, if anything, that was truly living and full of life.  Even that which seemed to have life at first, very quickly loses its flavor and becomes a mouth full of gravel in the end.  The new creation has come to see that Jesus is the source of life itself, not just a source of a life.

Let's finish this with looking at Romans 8:14-17.  Here the Apostle Paul uses the same family terms that Jesus and others used of our relationship with God.  The Holy Spirit is working all the time to draw people to Jesus, and we must never forget this.  Those who put their faith in Jesus are responding to His drawing.  When that happens, they are adopted into the family of God.  They are “sons of God” (vs 14) and “children of God” (vs 16).

Have you ever thought about the fact that life on this world is just the nursery of eternity?  As we trust Jesus and maintain a living connection to him, we will grow up to become adult sons of God in eternity.

Jesus is much more than a static vine that can do nothing about our connection to Him.  He is a being with a heart that loves you so much that he has come down after you into the muck and filth of this world.  He wants to have a relationship with you.  Sure, at first it may seem strange to have a relationship with a spiritual being.  It may seem strange to pray “into the air” and fear that someone might see you and think that you have lost your mind.  However, it is what you were created for, relationship with your Father in heaven.  When we go through this life without having a living relationship with our creator, we are empty, and the things of this world are vain and unsatisfactory.  The entropy of this world seems to squeeze the life out of even that which is good.

Yet, God loved you.  He was not content to be separated from you.  He paid the price so that you could join His family.

This brings us to the last part of the Romans 8 portion we are viewing.  We will inherit all things with Jesus, if we keep connected to Him.  God’s plan is that He will resurrect all those who belonged to Him at the end of this age in immortal bodies without a bent towards sin.  He will then fix this world and hand it over to Jesus.

The doors are still open.  God is still calling to people to come to Him through Jesus.  So, what must I do to connect to Jesus?  It is simple.  First, we are embracing Jesus through repentance from our old life and faith in his new life for us.  This relationship with God is described as a whole-life worship.  This makes us the children of God with a destiny that is more amazing than fiction.

Don’t delay.  Make today the day that you surrender to the calling of the Holy Spirit.  Join the Lord Jesus today by Admitting that you are a sinner who is under God’s judgment, and then Believing in your heart and mind that God raised Jesus from the dead as a covering for your sins.  Lastly, Confess Jesus as your Savior and Lord with your words and your deeds.  In so doing, you become a new creation, and a child of God!

Connect part 1 audio

Motherhood in Perspective

Today is Mother’s Day and as such we are going to talk about how important it is for mother’s to keep things in proper perspective.  By way of illustration I am going to read a short letter from a college student to her parents, which has no known origin.  By the way, this letter is not purported to be an actual letter, but was more than likely created to emphasize how perspective affects our outlook.  Here is the letter:

Dear Mom and Dad,

Just thought I’d drop you a note to clue you in on my plans.  I’ve fallen in love with a guy called Jim.  He quit high school after grade eleven to get married.  About a year ago he got a divorce.  We’ve been going steady for two months and plan to get married in the fall.  Until then, I’ve decided to move into his apartment (I think I might be pregnant).  At any rate, I dropped out of school last week, although I’d like to finish college sometime in the future.  (Letter continued on the next page)…

Mom and Dad, I just want you to know that everything I’ve written so far in this letter is false.  None of it is true.  But, Mom and Dad, it IS true that I got a C- in French and flunked my math class…and it IS true that I’m going to need some more money for my tuition payments.

Being a mom is a difficult task that presents a unique set of challenges.  Yet, it is easy to lose perspective about it.  What is it I am really supposed to do?  What is success and what is failure?  Today we are going to look at three phases of life for moms: before being a mother, during the child rearing years, and after the kids leave the house.

Is Motherhood To Be Desired?

Over the last century being a mother has come to be a despised thing in some circles.  Whether it is Margaret Sanger calling for a 10 year moratorium on child births in the 1940’s or modern arguments that refer to motherhood as an enemy to women, a mom and dad raising a kid have much to overcome.  So, for a young woman, a very serious question to wrestle with is this: Is motherhood to be desired?  Is it some ancient form of slavery and restriction of women?  Does it necessarily ruin your professional and marital life?

Now before we deal with this question, I want to recognize that there are many women who, for one reason or another, have not or cannot have children.  I do not intend to diminish the difficulties of desiring to give birth to a child and being told you can’t.  Let me just say to those who are in that situation, trust God and talk with Him about your desires.  He may have something different for you that can be just as rewarding, whether becoming a foster parent, simply blessing kids around you, or mothering children spiritually.  So don’t make the act of birthing a baby of your own, the end all, of life and purpose.

Let’s go back to the question of the desirability of being a mother.  In Genesis 1:27-28, we see that motherhood is part of God’s design for women.  A man and woman coming together in a committed relationship to create the next generation is part of God’s design of humanity.  Whatever motherhood is, women were designed for it and it is not just a good thing, it is a God thing.

We also see in this Genesis passage that God refers to this process with the metaphor of being fruitful.  This is a powerful picture because no one would say that a tree without fruit is useless, and yet a tree that has fruit is something quite different altogether.  Throughout the Bible fruitfulness is more than physically giving birth to a child.  It is at its core a giving of life.  Yes, a child is birthed.  But it must be cared for and nurtured for it to be able to come to a point where it can live on its own.  Thus a woman’s fruitfulness is more than giving birth.  It is her ability to come alongside of another and give life to them.  This can be done regardless of one’s ability to conceive.  In fact the case can be made that the physical fruitfulness becomes a curse if the higher fruitfulness of physical and spiritual nurturing is neglected.  Rotten teens are not an argument against raising children.  They are an argument against the lack of a higher order of birthing that must happen.  The conception to birth process can be seen as an analogy of the higher order process that brings a child from birth into adult society.

In Psalm 127:3-4 we are told that children are an inheritance from the Lord.  In other words it is a portion that he has for many women that they can enjoy and tend to it.  It is not the only possible inheritance for women in life (If you are unable to have children recognize that God has an inheritance for you).  But neither should it be slighted as undesirable.

Motherhood is something that is good and desirable.  Take time to walk with God and He will make it clear if you are to be a mother or not.  Don’t lose perspective of the fact that you will come to the end of your life and there will be no going back.  Yes, we all have regrets, but don’t wall yourself off from motherhood without first spending the time in prayer to seek God’s will.

Am I A Failure As A Mother?

Once a woman has had a child, or more, it is very common to be plagued with doubts as to your success at it.  In fact they are very rarely doubts.  Generally you may feel quite sure that you have failed at it.  In Psalm 119:105, we are told that the Word of God is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path.  Thus, if you feel that you are a failure and don’t know what to do, turn to God for wisdom.  Let His Word shed light on what you should do. 

James picks up on this in James 1:5.  However, he not only counsels us to let God’s Word be a light to our path, but also counsels us to pray and ask for it.  Reading God’s Word is the content side, but we also have a spiritual and emotional side.  Spend time in prayer asking for wisdom to raise your child.  On top of this we can take our anxieties and worries, and put them in God’s hands because we know that He cares for us both emotionally and practically.

Now here are some rapid-fire encouragements that all of us know, but need to hear often.  Be realistic in how you judge yourself.  We can expect far too much of ourselves and our children.  In fact, a unrealistic expectation can make our “failures” even worse, by an unhealthy emphasis on perfection.  Relax and realize that you are not God.  There is only so much that you can do.  God does not expect you to be super-mom.  But you can be a supernatural mom by relying on God for His help.

Also, learn to prioritize.  Priorities help you to decide between what is going to get done and what isn’t.  Being a parent is one of those jobs that is never done and you’re always on the clock.  Many things that we see as failures are simply our limitations as a human.  You can’t do everything and God doesn’t expect it from you.  Prayerfully set priorities that make the really important things primary and the not so important things tertiary at best.

Another important thing is to find some friends that can understand what it means to be a mother.  The power of being able to talk with someone who understands us cannot be underestimated.  Don’t wall yourself off from others because you are such a “miserable failure.”  Isolation can make a person feel lonely even when they are surrounded by family.  So purposefully counteract it by seeking out friends who are raising kids themselves.  Alongside this, you can pray for God to lead you to a good mentor who is further along in life, a seasoned mom who can help you gain perspective.  In the now it feels like it is never going to end.  But a mom who has raised her kid can help keep you encouraged.  Normally this would be your mom and/or grandma.  But if this isn’t an option for you, don’t sit there.  Proactively seek out a mentor.

Lastly, moms, trust God.  Ultimately this is what we all have to do.  Many kids have come from horrible homes and grown up to become amazing servants of God and society.  So clearly you don’t have to be perfect for them to become all God wants them to be.  However, this is not an advocacy for not even caring.  You will have to give account to God for how you raised your kids, but not in the perfectionist way that you often do to yourself.  Your kid is going to grow up and make their own decisions.  You will be a powerful influence on them, but yet only an influence.  It doesn’t take perfection to do a good job; it just takes a love that is willing to be perfected.  “Lord, teach me to love my kids as You would have me!”

What now?

It is called the empty nest syndrome.  Some people look forward to the empty nest with far too much glee and, yet, others dread it with far too much gloom and depression.  A hyper-desire for what is down the road can adversely affect our actions in the now.  No, you don’t have to be perfect, but you do need to be engaged in the here and now.  Emotional abandonment can be a very heavy thing to place upon the shoulders of a child.  On the other hand, those who are depressed over the emptying of their nest can develop an unhealthy selfishness and lack of faith that God has other good things ahead for you.  If God gave you kids to enjoy then He will be faithful to give you things to enjoy at the next stage.  Yes, all you have known for the last 20-30 years is suddenly gone and you face an unknown future.  But you have been there before.  The same God who has led you to this point has a plan forward.  Take His hand and rejoice!

We see such attitude in Hebrews 11:24-27.  Moses is given a task by God.  He knew what was being asked on the macro-level.  But there was much ahead that required trusting God.  Surrender to the next stage and let God lead you forward just as God led Moses.  There is a reward ahead.  This highly transitional time can go in many different directions and will definitely go through several transitions.  Some of them will be your choices, and yet, some of them may not.  Many a couple has emptied the nest only to immediately be presented with failing parents who need their care.  Or perhaps you have an adult child who has special needs and will never be able to live on their own.  Many things can lie ahead: grandkids, travel, new professions, hobbies, and expanded horizons.  No one thing is necessary for you to have a full and rewarding life.  The only thing you really need is to trust God as He leads you into the next phase of your life.

Let me close with a passage in Titus 2:1-4.  Here Paul encourages the older women to help the younger women to see the importance of loving their husbands and children.  Though he doesn’t use this word, I would see this as mentoring.  You have alot of experience that you can share with younger women.  It should not come across as a “know-it-all” attitude.  In fact mentoring is not so much about showing a young mother what she is doing wrong (this can short-cut her own learning and developing process).  At its heart is one woman telling another woman that, if she will lean on Jesus, she will be woman enough to meet the daunting things in her life.  Encourage them and keep them trusting in Jesus and His wisdom.  And, a practical tip from time to time won’t hurt at all ;)

Motherhood in Perspective audio

The Calling of Believers

As we approach the New Year it is helpful to evaluate where we have been and where we are headed.  This is true for both groups and individuals.  It is has been common in the last several decades for companies to develop a mission statement.  Such a statement lays out the purpose of the company in one or two brief, clear sentences.  Probably not very many individuals do this.  But it might not be a bad idea.  We all need to be reminded from time to time about our main purpose.

Today we will be looking at 1 Peter 3:8-12.  This section begins with the word, “finally.”  Peter started with some general comments to the believers, but then moved to some very specific groups within the church.  He starts with citizens, then speaks to slaves, then to women, and then to men.  Here he does not mean finally in the sense that he is done with the letter.  But rather, finally in the sense of wrapping up this section of directives to Christians both specifically and generally.

How We Should Treat One Another

Peter reminds the believers how they ought to treat each other.  He will speak to several different things, but begins with the mind.  He calls them to be of “One Mind.”  This “one mind” that we are to all have is not the mind of the leader or each of us fighting for our mind to be “the one.”  But rather we are to have the mind of Christ.  The mind and thinking of Jesus needs to be what all believers use in their words and deeds.  Paul speaks to this in 1 Corinthians 2:16 when he says, “We have the mind of Christ.”  There are two ways to look at the mind.  We can first focus on the purpose or goal of the mind.  Jesus was focused on glorifying the Father.  He did nothing for himself.  But rather did all things to bring glory to God.  He only spoke the words of the Father and only did the deeds of the Father.  The second area is one of attitude.  The mind of Jesus operated in a humble way that was willing to submit to the plan of the Father.  Thus in Philippians 2:5 it states “Let this mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus.”  Paul goes on to talk about how Christ lowered himself to the lowest place.  If we all operated from such a mind this would be a different place.  We need to work and pray every day that God would help us to think like Jesus.  This starts by reading the Word of God and moves to trying to do it and ends in prayer as we wrestle with God over what we discover.

Next Peter calls them to have compassion towards each other.  The word literally means “to suffer with someone.”  It is natural to want to avoid negative things and difficult situations.  When someone is suffering, it affects those who come around them.  We are way too quick to “sniff out” suffering people and run from them.  We are called to suffer with each other, to have compassion on each other.

Next he calls them to brotherly love, Philadelphia.  This is a family type of love.  When brothers are young and immature, they often step on each other’s toes and don’t have great feelings for each other.  However, later as they mature, they realize that no one else understands them and what they have been through like a family member.  There is a strong bond that is more and more appreciated over time.  So are we going to be stuck at the stage of Jacob’s 12 sons back in the book of Genesis?  Or, are we going to go on to the brotherly love they found later when they wept with Joseph in Egypt?

Next he speaks about being tender hearted.  This speaks to our intentions and actions.  Do they come out of a heart that seeks the good of others?  Do you have good will towards them or ill will?  Our Father demonstrates this attitude in John 3:16.  He so loved the world that even though it was in rebellion to him he gave his only begotten son so that WHOSOEVER would believe on him would not perish but have everlasting life.  Such good heartedness leads to God not crushing the rebellion, but making it possible for everyone to make a choice.  He is willing to forgive.

Next we talk about being courteous.  This is simply being “low minded.”  Not low in the sense of being bad, but low in the sense of being humble.  We are courteous to people when we not only think lowly of ourselves but also when we in “honor prefer them above ourselves.”  No matter how great we are in this world’s eyes, we ought to recognize how Christ lowered himself and served us as if we were the greater.  Can we follow him in this example?

Next he speaks to a “payback” attitude.  We need to stay away from an evil for evil, revenge oriented attitude.  Even if we don’t seek revenge, we can fall into a low form of hostility towards others because of things they have done.  We act like a bunch of banty roosters around each other, strutting, and pecking at each other.  This ought not to be among God’s people.  In fact it is the opposite of what our Lord commanded us in Matthew 5:44-45a. 

“I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven…” 

We are not called to curse people, but to be a blessing to them.

Thus Peter ends with the call to blessing.  God has given us as a blessing to this world.  After the cross, he could have sent legions of angelic warriors to slay all mankind.  Instead, he sends us as his ministers of peace.  He speaks a gracious word of reconciliation to the world.  That doesn’t mean there isn’t a judgment day.  It just helps us to see why we are here.  We are here to bless the world in the name of Jesus.  Now, blessing is not defined by the world.  It is defined by Truth and Reality, and thus by God himself.

Reminded Of Our Inheritance

In the second part of verse 9, Peter reminds them of the inheritance that is theirs in Christ.  Our inheritance involves some things in this life, but it is ultimately and largely in the Age that is coming.  However Peter does remind them of this blessing with its present reality of enjoying God’s goodwill or favor.  So let’s break down exactly what Peter is saying in the second part of verse 9.

First he says “knowing.”  They have come to know certain things that should affect their present treatment of one another.  Sometimes we can forget or choose to ignore these realities.  This is complicated by a spiritual enemy who works in many ways to assail our mind.  The more he can get us to lean on our natural mind more than the mind of Christ, then the more he can cause us to fall in this spiritual battle.  Thus, this mental battle can keep us in the spiritual battle, or knock us out of it.  This battle is for our soul and the souls of others.

Next he says that they were called.  This is a reference to the fact that they are disciples of Jesus.  Jesus had come up to certain ones and called them to follow him.  In a similar way, believers are followers of Jesus.  He has purposefully called us and we have intentionally followed him.  It was a personal choice to follow the purpose of Jesus.  However, when the way gets difficult, it is easy to pull back from what we are called to do.  Will I turn back and walk away from Jesus?  Or will I, like Judas, continue to hang out with Jesus only to betray him in the end?  It is our inheritance to be followers/disciples of Jesus; to take our place among that great company of people who belong to Jesus.

Lastly he reminds them of their blessing by quoting a passage from Psalm 34.  It begins by listing some natural blessings such as life, and long life.  But it goes on to a largely spiritual blessing, in which God is favorably disposed to us.  So as he determines we see him favorably disposed to hear our prayers and to answer them (not that we get whatever we want).  But ultimately this favor of God is demonstrated in what he is bringing us to; making us to be like him.  God is actively against those who reject his ways, but he is favorably disposed towards those who embrace his ways and his nature.  Our inheritance is to be transformed to the point that we are like God.

Final Thoughts

If these things were easy the apostles would not have kept reminding us about them over and over.  We can shrink back from these things for different reasons and need to be encouraged in them.  In this world evil tends to be “rewarded” immediately.  So we can be tempted and leveraged by our own fleshly desires.  We need to remind ourselves that the delayed reward of righteousness (aka our inheritance) is better in the end.  It is better because it is eternal and it is better because it makes us to have a place wherein we can have a relationship with God and be like him.

Happy New Year!