The Design of God in Marriage Part II

 Last week we looked at Genesis and the beginning of marriage.  We saw how marriage was God's idea, not ours.  Adam didn't present a request before God asking for a wife.  God saw Adam's aloneness and created for him a mate.  Thus marriage is something that is good for men and for women.  It gives them companionship and teaches then what real love is.

However, God has a deeper purpose than just helping humans have good relationships together.  He also is teaching us about himself.  We are going to Ephesians chapter 5 today. 

Marriage is a Picture of Christ and the Church

As Paul discusses issues between husbands and wives he takes time to remind them that their marriage serves a greater purpose than just to make them happy and further the human race.  Part of God's design in marriage is to be a living analogy that will give the world a glimpse of the relationship between God and his people.  He reminds them in verse 31 that God's purpose was for marriage to make them "one flesh."  Now becoming one flesh, true, is physical.  But it also has an aspect that is within, that is our mind will and heart. 

Also, it is important that we recognize that this oneness is not a mystical or magical thing that happens once the pastor prays over us or we say our vows.  Sure we may be connected in a spiritual way.  But married people quickly find out that oneness is something that has to be worked towards and maintained.  Marriage has a way of making us face issues that could keep us from operating with one purpose.  However, notice that the oneness is a picture of the oneness of life and purpose that we should have with God (vs. 32).

Now Paul hammers home this oneness in verses 28 and 29 by reminding spouses that just as they take care of their own bodies by nourishing them and caring for them, so, they should care for each other in like manner.  To injure your spouse both physically or emotionally is to injure yourself, which clearly is madness.  We could cynically say that Paul is leveraging them with fleshly motivations, i.e. you are helping yourself to love your wife.  But Paul's argument is far more foundational than that.  He is flatly explaining that this really is the case.  God really has connected you with that other person and how you love them or not, will impact you personally.  It really is a logical no-brainer for Paul.  If God says he makes husbands and wife's "one flesh" than woe to the person who operates from a different mentality.  Jesus warned us of this when he said, "what God has put together let no one take apart."  You really can't even call it wisdom.  It is the practical action following belief in what Scripture says. 

Do you love your spouse like you do your own self?  Notice this is presented not so much as a sexual thing (i.e. nurture/care).  It is a picture of a healthy relationship.  Years ago, Marriage Seminar speaker, Gary Smalley used the analogy of a plant.  He pointed out that there are things that a plant needs to grow and there are things that are detrimental to its growth.  So too we can do things that either help or hinder our marriage.  What are some of the things that are needed in relationships?  We need love, affection, respect, praise, encouragement, forgiveness, and kindness; to name a few.  What are some of the things that are not needed in relationships? We don't need Anger, physical violence, manipulation, harsh words, blame, bullying, nagging etc...  The picture that Gary Smalley gives points out the need to serve one another.  If I only give you what I feel then each of us as plants will quickly wilt, wither, and die.

Now let me challenge you with this.  What if, when you get to heaven, God were to say, "Okay, I am going to reward you by giving you everything you ever gave to your spouse."  How many of us would immediately be thinking that if we had known that earlier we might have been nicer to our spouse?  But isn't this similar to what God is saying here?  When you sacrificially love your spouse you are actually loving yourself and not just in relation to this world.  Don't be a fool and act in a way that would not only bring injury to your spouse, but also bring injury to yourself.  Don't we realize that this is exactly how God loves us?  He nurtures and cares for us like a loving husband.  He has laid down his life out of love for us.  If he doesn't save a people to himself then he will bringing grief, sorrow, pain, and suffering upon himself.

Now, in verse 31, Paul mentions that a husband and wife should separate from their parents and connect with their spouse.  When a member of a marriage refuses to restrain inordinate, parental relations they directly impact their ability to connect to their spouse.  This doesn't mean you have to cut-off all contact and never interact.  However, marriage will teach you when you  is out of bounds.  It will cause trouble in one way or another.  This is intended to teach us about our need to separate from this world in order to cling to Jesus and become of one life and purpose with him.

Notice how Jesus did this for us.  He left his home in heaven to be incarnated on this earth.  He separated from heaven that he might come down and connect with mankind.  Their could be no oneness if he didn't do this.  Now that we have accepted his offer of marriage, he has gone away to prepare a home for us, The New Jerusalem.  If, while we wait for him, we are in love with the things of this world, that unfaithfulness draws us away from the oneness we are supposed to have.  Marriage really has been all about helping us to understand why and how we need to do this.   All of this is so that we can truly understand God's offer of intimacy in Jesus Christ.

Lastly, Paul mentions that Jesus loved the Church by laying down his life for it.  What is it that I need to die to?  What inordinate affections pull on my heart, vying for my attentions, pulling me away from the heart and purpose of Jesus? 

Let me challenge you first within the confines of marriage.  The biggest question in your mind should not be how can I get what I want.  But rather it should be how can I best serve them.  What is it that they really need in order to be what God has called them to be?  We are free to love one another, but Galatians 5:13 says, "Don't use freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another."  Whether you run from its lessons or not, you will have to face the lessons of love.  In fact even if you do not marry and aren't interested in God, you will have to face the hard facts of love.  Perhaps this is why so many marriages are failing today.  Perhaps, we are just to afraid of what love teaches us about God and his designs towards us.  Perhaps we just don't want to be like him.

Lastly, let us realize that these are pictures of God's love for us.  Let us realize the lengths to which God is willing to go in order to bring us to himself.  Just as a man cares for his new bride, so our Lord Jesus Christ, cares for the Church.  In fact, being God, I dare say he cares for more deeply, because we have great need of learning what true love is.

Ephesians 5:28-33

The Design of God in Marriage

We are going to talk today about how God has designed marriage for a particular task.  It is a tool that he uses to teach us to love by serving.  The song, Love is a Many Splendored Thing, alludes to the idea of a precious gem.  It has many different facets and as you look at each facet from different angles you see different beauty in it.  In a similar way, love bears many different names when viewed from many different angles.  In this way, I would say that serving really is another word for love.  When we desire the well being of another person, we will serve them in many ways.  The response of love always takes on a particular form depending upon the situation.  So that when a young child errs in skill, a parent's love will "Help" them.  Helping really is a form of love.  However, when a young child errs in ethics, love may respond by correction and eventually discipline.  Thus Correcting and Discipline are different forms of love.  In case you have negative feelings associated with these two words, please understand that all good things can be abused.  What I am talking about is that which is truly motivated by love.

Today we are going to start in Genesis 2:18-25.

Marriage is God's Idea

Now as we look at this section we first notice that Adam did not lodge a complaint with God.  "Hey, God, I don't have a mate.  Why don't you do something about that."  Just as Adam himself was God's idea, so too was Adam's wife, Eve.  In an age when it is popular to despise the human race and wish for a world where humans did not exist, it is important to remind ourselves that humans were God's idea.  However, God first creates Adam without any other humans.  He is not technically alone- there are animals, and God to keep him company- but he is alone.  We don't know if Adam felt lonely but we do know that God purposefully made Adam to be alone before he gained a companion.  God didn't do this with the animals.  Now how long Adam was alone is not stated here, but from the overall creation account it appears that later that day Eve is created.  When Eve is finally presented to Adam she is called his wife.  This was the first marriage and the beginning of the concept that a man and a woman would come together to be one.

Not only is marriage God's idea, but I also want us to see that God purposefully created humans with a complementary design.  This is true both physically and emotionally.  This complementary design practically forces us to come together in many different ways: socially, professionally, sexually, and protectively.  God seems to have designed aspects to humanity, in which, no individual has all of them.  From a gender standpoint he made men and women, male and female.  There is an evident physical design and generally a comparable internal compelling that awakens at a certain age.  It is clear from creation that God could have made us androgynous and we could have procreated asexually.  But this would not have fit his purposes.  But this is not true only on a physical basis.  From brains to brawn, and from introvert to extrovert God has made us to "need" each other socially.  All of us, even the most talented, are not an island unto themselves.  We have been created to link with other humans.  The most intimate link of course is marriage.

I will take a brief moment to mention that the founding father's of our nation (U.S.A.) understood a concept called Natural Law.  They believed that by looking at nature (its design and function) you could see the mind and plan of God.  Such laws would govern all of nature and be truly universal.  Thus Natural Law would argue that the physical design of a man and woman clearly demonstrates that God intended men and women to to be intimate with one another.  Therefore, Natural Law would dictate that a man and a woman have the right to come together in an intimate relationship that we call marriage.  Now, further we can deduce from the fact that they are two separate beings that they should both be free to self-determine who the other partner will be.  Thus a man and a woman have the right to marry whom they will, as long as that other person agrees.  I take time to mention this because the current "Gay Marriage" debate that is happening in our country itself flies in the face of both Natural Law and Biblical Revelation.  It is clear from design and function that a man was not meant to be intimate with a man and neither for a woman to be intimate with a woman.  Thus Natural Law would not dictate that they have the right to be intimate with one another.  Also, we have an even higher statement from God himself revealed in Scripture that it is not what he intended.  Thus God tells us what he intended both explicitly (in the Bible) and implicity (in the design and function of men and women).

Now, as I said, it is clear that marriage was God's idea and he was the one who provided the answer for Adam.  In fact, God, as the Creator of everything, is the great provider of all that we could lack.  We often talk about miracles as if they are from God and everything else is from nature.  Nope, it is all from God.  Isn't nature just an infinite amount of miracles that God did in advance and have been waiting around for thousands of years till you could experience them?  All aid and help ultimately comes from the Lord, whether there is a "natural" explanation or not.

Now God knew Adam was alone and would become lonely.  So he creates Eve.  Here we have the first surgery, which is performed by God himself.  The Bible doesn't go into the specifics of why God pulled a rib out of Adam and somehow made Eve from it.  He could have made Eve from the dirt just like he did Adam.  But instead, God wanted Adam to have a clear illustration that he was missing a part of himself, and Eve would be the way to have it back.  In fact, it could be better than the rib.  God here becomes the Father of the bride as he brings Eve to Adam.

We can also see how the design of procreation puts kids in the care of a man and woman who created them within a loving relationship.  This ability to bring into the world other humans is a gift from God. Even though we may be able to go around the design through technology, this will not remove the hard-wired need to be in relationship with someone.  However, notice how a child goes from clinging to parents to one day separating from them.  A child when it is young is vulnerable and clearly is not designed to take care of itself.  If humans abandon their young at birth then the baby will die.  All of this comes from God and was his design and fits his purposes in our life.

Next week we will focus more on that purpose.  But let it suffice to say that we may abuse marriage and misuse it.  We may fight against the things it is trying to do in our life.  In that sense we are fighting against the purposes of God.  Marriage was designed to help man know himself better (I am selfish and proud in heart) and know God better (God is a loving servant and humble in heart).

Could A Job Be The Oldest Institution?

Bible passage:  Genesis 2:7-9,15 and Genesis 3:17-19

Next week we are going to be talking about marriage and how God uses it to teach us to lovingly serve.  Marriage has been noted as an institution that is so old that God is the one who started it in the Garden of Eden.  Well there is another institution that God started in the garden and, in fact, he started it before he started marriage:  a job.  Yes that's right.  You heard me correctly.  God gave Adam a job before he gave him a wife.

The reason I want to start here is because it is important for us to understand that these things are not just the ideas of men.  It has come from the mind of God. 

Man Was Created to Work.  It is not Bad or Evil.

God didn't just plop Adam in the "wild" (Survivor-style), but rather, he made one place into a garden.  We are not told how large this place was.  But it was already ordered and fixed up by God himself.  After describing this garden and the rivers that watered it, Genesis 2:15 tells us this:

 "Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it."

These words are very clear that God intended Adam to work and labor in this garden.  Even before the fall, the earth needed to be worked in order for it to give greater and more regular produce.  It also makes clear that Adam needed to take care of the garden and nurture it.  I don't know if God discussed the finer points of pruning with Adam, but the idea of care is clear.  Thus Adam was put in an area that could clearly sustain himself and his future family.  God already had in mind that Adam would "be fruitful and multiply," and fill the earth.  The garden would serve as the base of operations for this endeavor.  Also this job would clearly be for his own benefit and the benefit of his family.  As humans they would need to eat and taking care of the garden would ensure a plentious supply of food.

Thus the first job was given by God to a man before The Fall.  The first job involved work.  So if you have this idea that when we go to heaven we will not have to work anymore you are probably wrong.  Though work itself is not a result of the curse, our work was affected by the curse.  In Genesis 3:17-19 we see that God does not directly curse Adam.  In other words, he didn't make his muscles smaller or his intellect dumber.  Rather he indirectly curses Adam by putting a curse on the earth.  The ground that he has been working will no longer work with him as it was designed to do.  Rather, it will resist along with the other aspects of nature.  We do not know scientifically what God did to change the world, but clearly all of creation was affected.  Because of The Fall, work now would be difficult and filled with grief and sorrow.  This is why we labor with this sense that things are fighting against us.  We might inwardly think, "God, what do you have against me?"  But, this is only partially right.  Yes, God did put the curse on the earth.  But before we blame him we must ask why he did so.  It was our action that caused the curse to be given.  We have no one to blame but ourself and to stubbornly persist in blaming God is itself wrong.  Even people who seem to have no problem at work and everything goes well are fighting a resistance.  They may be overcoming that resistance better than us.  But, still, they deal with it.  We all have to deal with a world that is not cooperating with us to the fullest degree.  We talk of "Murphy's Law" because we recognize this principle to be true.

Many large corporations will develop complex systems and procedures to minimize the affects of the curse.  But as you develop these systems and procedures you realize that the resistance comes from somewhere else and generally is of a greater nature.  You cannot get rid of it.

Now here is the good news.  The Bible tells us in Romans 8:18-23 that God had a purpose in making our work more difficult.  Vs. 20 tells us that God subjected  the creation to futility in the hope of a coming deliverance.  The curse would continually remind us of where "our way" has taken us.  It will continually lift our eyes to heaven in prayer for a day that the curse would be lifted.  In fact God has promised such a day for us.  Any parent who punishes a child for misbehavior does not do so forever.  There is a certain learning that must happen and then the punishment can be lifted.  Mankind has done much labor over these millennia that we have had.  During that labor God is trying to teach us something about ourselves, our thinking, our need of Him, and His promise to us.  Just as the First Adam was created a living being so Jesus, the Second Adam, came forth as a life-giving spirit.  When we embrace Jesus as God's "solution" or answer to our condition, we become a son of God.  The revelation of these "sons of God" will happen at a time when the curse is removed.  In fact, Paul said in verse 18:

"I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

Yes, God knows that presently work is difficult, life is difficult.  In the midst of much we could call good, we are surrounded by that which makes things sorrowful and grievous.  In fact, we ourselves are often the source of such grief.  But a day is coming when a glory will be revealed in those who belong to God.  In that day we will look back at the time of our suffering as a light thing which is easy to take, in light of the joy and glory we will have then.  Now this might not make you FEEL better today.  But it does give us a hope.  A hope that is based upon God himself.

Some Lessons of Work

 So if work is supposed to be teaching me things about myself and God then perhaps I should pay more attention to what it is saying.  There is no way that we can exhaust this subject, but I believe it would be helpful to walk through some of those "teachings" that work and jobs try to teach us.

Let's first look at the area of "Working for Yourself."  The ultimate of life to be self-empoyed and not have to answer to any boss.  However, if you have ever "worked for yourself" you know that it is a bit of a misnomer because somehow others are always involved in our work.  If you are providing a service or product to a customer, you learn pretty quickly that, even though you don't have a "boss," the customer, their wants and desires, take on a much more vague and harder to read "boss-like" influence in your life.  The statement that the customer is always right, is of course untrue.  But it demonstrates the pickle in which self-employed people find themselves.  The difficulties of a job are teaching us something about life and sin and people.  Even if we put a person out in the wilderness with a farm only working for themselves, we still will find that work teaches us something.  It will teach you that you can't do everything.  Many who are gifted in one area have huge gaps of skill in other areas.  At some point you will see that if you tailor your work to fit with the work of others, then you can help each other.  In all of this work teaches us to serve each other, and to serve together.

When you work for a boss you better learn your own duty to God.  And, when you work to serve a customer, you come to understand God's care for us better.  In no way is this teaching process perfect.  People labor long not learning these things.  So I encourage you to pay attention and give greater focus to what life is saying to you through your work.

Another area to look at is how Jesus and the disciples used jobs in their teachings.  The parables of Jesus are full of good and bad examples of workers.  They are intended to warn us about how we live and work in this life.  He used these work scenarios as a picture of us spiritually being held accountable to our heavenly boss, God the Almighty Father.  

In 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12, Paul warns them, "If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat."  Early Christians were very strong in loving each other and caring for each others needs.  It didn't take long for some to attempt to take advantage of such largesse.  Paul made it clear that though we serve people, it is no service to do for them what they ought to do for themselves.  Thus if a man works hard and yet for various reasons is not making it or, his boss rips him off etc..., believers will help each other and meet those needs.  But if a man doesn't work at all and keeps showing up at your house or church office desiring a hand out then at some point you realize, I am not truly helping this person.  For their own good I have to say no.

In 1 Timothy 5:8 Paul says that those who do not provide for their family have denied The Faith and are worse than an unbeliever.  Those are very strong words.  Now let me make sure you understand them.  The word provide here is not about success and ability.  It is a word that is about intention and desire.  It literally means "to look out for, to look ahead for."  Thus you may be working your head off and your kids don't have very nice clothes.  You may say to yourself, "I'm not a very good provider."  And, thus believe that you aren't a very good follower of God.  But throughout history Christians have been in many different situations.  In some of them Christians were very poor and couldn't provide in the sense of creating a certain quality of life.  But there are more important things then designer clothing, and latest tech fads.  A believer looks out for every aspect of their family.  It is about diligent, desire and work not the amount of paycheck you get for that.  Let me give a good example of what Paul is talking about.  If a man who has a business finds out that his senior parent has had a stroke and the believers in his community are taking care of him then he decides not to step in and shoulder that responsibility, he is denying the faith of Christ.  Another example, if a man spends all his money at the bar and casino and his family goes without then he is denying the faith.  In fact we could feed our kids the best food and give them the greatest toys, but if we do not teach them spiritually about God and life, we are denying the faith.

Now I am going to end with some rapid fire lessons from the book of Proverbs.

1. Prov. 12:11-  Put work before fantasy and play.
2. Prov. 1:30f-  Reject quick money schemes, and instead work hard and diligently.
3. Prov. 6:6f-  Don't be lazy.  Get out of bed and work.
4. Prov. 22:7-  Borrowing is not a good thing.
5. Prov. 21:17-  Don't consume all your work, save for the future.
6. Prov. 15:22-  Get good advice from multiple sources about work and life.
7. Prov. 19:2-  Work steady and careful.  Haste makes waste.

 In the end we all need to be careful and listen to what our work is teaching us.  Every time something goes wrong or bat at work or in our plans at life, we should spend some time trying to figure out what it is teaching us.  It is a mistake to say, "God must hate me, I'm no good.  I should just quit."  When we have this attitude of offense we will shortcut ourselves from learning what God wants to teach us.

Instead, as a son to a father, we need to ask, "God, what are you telling me about you and mankind's fallen condition?  And, what are you telling me about myself?  And, what are you telling me about the future hope to which you are bringing us?"  The answers are not always readily apparent.  Sometimes we see it better in the rearview mirror.  Either way we must remain focused and do the work that God has gifted us to do because it will teach us the depths of loving service.

The Weapon of Love

Last week we looked at how Jesus served Zacchaeus by seeking him out and saving him.  Today I want to explore this concept further as we recognize that this was not just a Search and Rescue operation.  The metaphor of search and rescue is a good and powerful picture.  However, today we are going to use the military metaphor of trying to take a city, or position on the battle field.  It may seem strange to think of this in the context of serving and loving another person.  But, this is imagery that God himself has given us.

Proverbs 18:19 says, "A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city and contentions are like the bars of a castle."

The word "offended" is literally sinned against.  Someone has done something wrong to him.  The word contentions obviously refers back to these sins, but it is a term that is reminiscent of the "charges" in a case at trial.  Each specific charge of wrong doing is like an individual bar or crossbeam in a castle door.  This interesting verse demonstrates something that we all know to be true to human nature.  When we are sinned against we retreat and barricade ourself from further hurt.  This can take on as many forms as their are individual personalities to do it.

Let me ask you a bit of trivia.  What city was Zacchaeus at when he met Jesus?..........(insert Jeopardy music here.....)  Times up!  The city was Jericho.  What is Jericho famous for in Scripture?  Jericho is the city of the extremely unorthodox military maneuver of simply marching around your enemy and shouting to God.  Now the city of Jericho was an actual enemy of Israel that needed to be defeated.  But the reason I bring it up is because there is a kind of "hint" here by the Holy Spirit.  The clear message is this: the battle belongs to the Lord.  If we "fight" as the Lord directs us we will see victory.  Now in the context Zacchaeus is cleary a man who has retreated into his castle and built up a fortress against the hurts and wounds of his own people.  If your goal is to get him to repent of his sins and become a devout God follower then you have a battle set out for you.  But Jesus approaches Zacchaeus with grace and love.  We don't see him beating Zach over the head with his sins.  He merely spends the day with him.  Perhaps some words are said in private, but notice the gracious and kind way that Jesus approaches Zach.  Jesus is involved in a different kind of "warfare."  A battle that will not be won by a head on attempt to break down Zach's "walls."  In fact, no matter how skilled we can be at demolishing people's arguments of why they need a wall, in the end we will only have succeeded in causing them to retreat further and make the walls thicker.  But to use love as a weapon...that is our challenge.

Here is the challenge.  People build barriers in their life to protect against past and potential sins.  We all do this.  But God has called us to break down those barriers, enter into fellowship with each other and become a family.  How can we get past all these walls?  Learning to demolish strongholds is not easy and few are truly good at it.  We can be a "legend in our own mind." But the truth of the matter is this.  We are going to have to do more than talk about love, and make weak overtures of love.  We are going to have to see this as a battle.  Just like a general doesn't quit when his first, second, and third attempt to take a position or city fails, we too must often endure insults in order to break past the walls of hurt and injury.

In God all things are possible and by love we can get past the defenses of wounds and hurt in order to touch people's hearts with love.

We are Commanded to Love

 After Jesus had washed his disciples' feet, he then commanded them in verses 34,35 of John 13 to love one another.  It is important to notice that Christ's command to us is something that he is not commanded to do.  Even if we say that he was obeying the orders of the Father, my point is essentially this.  Who has commanded God to command us?  The answer is no one.  You see the command to us is part of God's heart.  Let us not be deceived we are under orders to love one another.  In that sense we have no excuse if we do not obey.  Sure we have a choice, but not an excuse.  Yet, God's desire is not that we continue to only see this as a drudgery that he has put on us.  Rather he desires for our hearts to become like his.  When our hearts and minds come into agreement with this action of love it is no longer about duty and command it is simply about the heart of God.

This is why it is important to notice the "If" that Jesus uses in verse 35.  "All will know you are my disciples, IF you have love for one another."  We have a choice and our heart and mind are not always convinced.  So Jesus sets the example not only here, but when he goes to the cross.  The cross is the ultimate expression of the heart of God.  "I love you so much I am willing to die (to the point that is possible) in order to love you."  We do not do this perfectly as individuals.  But neither do we do this as groups and communities.  No matter what church or family we are a part of Christ calls us to serve them with his love.  This is not an easy task even without the problem of a sinful nature.

Later in his life the apostle John clearly reflects on this situation when he writes in 1 John 2:3-11 that he is not giving them a new command when he commands them to love one another.    Yes, it was a new command when Jesus was making it and was the message of the church for decades, "We are commanded to love one another."  By the time of the writing of First John this new command is seen as the same old command we have proclaimed all along, from the beginning of the gospel and of the church.

We must love one another.  No matter what we call ourselves, this is the central duty.  However, the duty is intended to teach us the heart of God and transform us from servants to friends, from enemies to family.

Lessons of Love

 God has designed life that it forces us to face certain lessons of love.  We can ignore them or even be oblivious to them, but they are real and present nonetheless.  The proverb that we quoted earlier mentions that contentions are like the bars of a castle.  The first lesson of love I want to point out is this: In order to wield love we must drop our "bloody flags," our contentions.  Someone has to start.  When two people are offended, they are both concerned that the other person fixes their stuff first.  So much so, that we are often oblivious to even half of our own infractions.  This barred castle picture will never change if someone doesn't unbar their door.  Who could be more offended in this world then God himself?  Our rebellion against our creator and abuse of his stuff (creation/material world) is itself a capital crime.  Yet the offended God, unbars his heart and his home (heaven).  He then comes down into our world and loves us.  He loves us to the point that he lays his life down for us that we might live.  Do you understand that this is the heart of the one we say we love?  I cannot love what Jesus does for me for very long if how Jesus did it is offensive to me.  Let me say it another way.  If you despise the path of dying that others might live for yourself then you probably do not love Jesus nearly as much as you let on.  I am not saying this to "disqualify" people.  I am saying that we might be honest with ourself and realize that I need to submit to love so that my heart can change.  We can be a baffle to the love of God or we can allow it to freely flow through us.  What will you be?  God is seeking forgiveness and restoration.  Thus, so must we.

The second lesson of love that we will look at today is this:  We must stop expecting certain responses to our "love" attempts.  When we choose to drop our contentions (forgiveness) and love another person, we can easily get offended that they don't "roll over" so easy.  Just like a guy who asks a girl out for a date may get rejected the first time, do we give up easily?  How bad do you want to be like Jesus?  We are called to love regardless of whether the person being loved responds.  What if they retreat further and bar themselves even more?  They have made a poor choice, but you were obedient to your Lord.  Perhaps you in those moments are given a touch of what God goes through every day when countless millions bar their hearts to him.

The third lesson of love today is this:  We must analyze the lies that the enemy has entrenched in the other person's mind and work to neutralize them.  Many people are hard and cold as a protection.  They have been hurt.  Often they feel unloveable, unworthy, shamed and guilty.  Perhaps they are nursing an anger and rage against injustice, which gives them the only worth that they can see.  In any case, when we attempt to love them, our attempts may have an ignorance to them that can accentuate those hurts.  Let me share an real life illustration of this.

A new pastor comes to a church and one day is giving an altar call.  He notices that a woman of the church is weeping and yet isn't coming up.  Wanting to encourage her the pastor goes down to where she is and takes her by the arm and pulls her up to the altar area.  Then several elders surround her and begin praying.  The lady essentially has a break down, screams and runs out.  What happened?  Of course the pastor is shocked, elders are shocked, the church is shocked.  What????  Here is the rest of the story.  Later the woman shares with the pastor what she was feeling at the time.  Her quick story is that as a little girl she was raped by her grandfather several times.  Later as a young girl a boyfriend also abused her.  She had never shared this with anyone and this hurtful history was affecting her marriage and ability to interact with people.  How do you think she felt when a man comes and pulls her to where she doesn't want to go and then is surrounded by a bunch of men?  We can get offended at how the hurting respond or we can let them teach us how to love.

Often, if we knew the whole story we might have more compassion, sensitivity, and gentleness.  But you will never get the whole story from people unless you have compassion, sensitivity and gentleness up front.  We tend to think of those who are not emotionally hurt as the strong ones that we all need to be like.  But perhaps God allows wounded people in order to teach "strong" people how to be gentle and loving.  Perhaps God's goal is not for the strong to teach the weak how to quit being weak.  But, rather, for the weak to teach the strong how to carefully assist another, like their Father in heaven does.  There is none as strong and powerful as our God and yet none so humble, meek and gentle.

Friend, if you have been deeply wounded in life and don't think you have any worth, understand this: You have much to teach others in how to love.  You were not meant to hide behind bars of protective wood and iron.  Let the Lord himself be your defense and lay down those bars.  Yes, it is not easy and you will fail over and over again.  But be strong and courageous for the Lord your God is with you.

The Weapon of Love