The First Letter of Peter- 13

Subtitle: Our Witness before the World- Part 5

1 Peter 3:7. This sermon was preached by Pastor Marty Bonner on Sunday, February 15, 2026.

We continue in this section that focuses on the way that a Christian should use their relationships to demonstrate the love and wisdom of Jesus to the world around them.

There is a greater concern here in that we are also desiring to be pleasing in God’s sight.  He is currently offering terms of peace to this world.  As we cooperate with this purpose, we can rest in the assurance that God will help us and reward us.

Today, we will wrap up the specific relationships that Peter has been addressing by looking at husbands.

Let’s look at our verse.

Husbands should live with their wives in understanding (v. 7)

In all of our relationships, it is our natural tendency to worry about what the other person is or isn’t doing.  We can be overly concerned with God’s Word to them, yet, overlooking His Word to us.

Peter begins this command to husbands with the phrase, “in the same way.”  This is exactly what he did with his instruction to wives in verses 1-6.  Again, this phrase is pointing husbands back to the example of Jesus written about in 1 Peter 2:21-25.  In the same way that Jesus sacrificed his rights in order to serve God the Father and humanity, so a husband needs to choose to serve God the Father and their wife.  Jesus needs to be their example and help in this.

Peter’s main imperative is for husbands to live with their wives in understanding.  The word translated as “live with” is a special word that highlights the cohabiting nature of the marital relationship.  They are not just doing life together.  They dwell in a home together, and that home becomes an extension of their relationship.  This life and home that a husband is making with his wife needs to be done with understanding.

Before we delve further into that, I will say that a husband and wife can seem to be one thing in public but be something quite different at home.  What goes on in the home, in private, is important to God, and so it should be important to me.

So, what does it mean for a husband to understand his wife?  Part of it is understanding her situation in general as a woman.  Genesis 1-2

 describes the intent of God for marriage.  A man and a woman are intended to become one before God.  That unity is also intended to image God.  Paul describes this specifically as being a picture of the relationship between Christ and His Church. 

A husband also needs to gain the understanding of what his wife has been through particularly.  What has she experienced both bad and good?  How can I care for her as if she were a part of my own body?

That last question may seem strange, but it is the perspective the Apostle Paul calls husbands to have in Ephesians 5:8. “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”

It is common in our culture to sacrifice marital relationships to get something we want.  We end up undermining the relationship in a multitude of ways.  This is why Paul refers to a wife as being a part of her husband.  This connects back to the oneness of Genesis 1-2.  He is challenging husbands in this area.

Our culture has many pressures upon marriages.  Many decry marriage as the problem because it “goes against our human nature,” “monogamy is unnatural.”  They even project that there would be no guilt in relationships (a kind of sexual Utopia) if we could just drop this Christian notion.  Of course, I wouldn’t hold my breath for any proof that lack of commitment rids people of guilt and creates something good in this area.

Paul’s challenge to a husband is this.  To abuse your wife is to abuse yourself.  To reject this wisdom is to reject the wisdom of Christ.  Thus, a Christian husband really has no choice if he wants to remain a follower of Christ.  Live with your wife with even the understanding of how God has connected her to you.  Of course, we should have a nobler purpose in taking good care of our spouse than caring for ourselves.  We need to do it because it is right, and it is what Jesus wants us to do.

God’s purpose in marriage is not the problem.  It is not restricting us.  It is our own sin that is the problem.

Peter uses the phrase “as with someone weaker.”  In another version, it refers to her as “a weaker vessel.”  The body as a vessel for our spirits is a metaphor that was quite common in those days.  Paul uses it in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4.  “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion…”

A woman listening to this might be offended at being called a weaker vessel, but it is not exactly spelled out in which ways she is weaker.  The obvious place to start is to recognize that women in general are physically weaker than men.  However, I don’t think this is the only thing Peter is referencing.  The physical weakness of women has been a source of much pain for them.  Husbands need to understand how this physical weakness has shaped the psyche of wives, the way they think, and the desires they have.

Of course, weakness does not necessarily have a negative connotation.  In 1 Corinthians 12:22, Paul mentions that “those members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary.”  His use of “seem” implies that things may look to us as weak in one sense, but their weakness makes them strong for the necessary purpose they have.  An example in life would be fine China.  China is not used for everyday dining especially with children.  It is not physically capable of being used all the time without being chipped.  Yet its weakness for everyday wear is a part of its honorable usage at special events.

Peter likely also has in mind the weaker social position that women had.  I’ve mentioned before that a woman generally did not have the right of divorcing her husband for any reason.  There was a huge disparity in the area of unfaithfulness.  If a woman was caught in an adulterous affair, the husband could have her executed.  However, if a man was caught in an adulterous affair, there was little a woman could do about it.

A husband’s understanding of his wife needs to incorporate these things.  Her weakness physically (or even socially) does not say anything about her value.  What is a wife’s value?  Is it in how much money she can bring to the home?  Is it in how many sons she can birth?  Is her value in what she can do to satisfy her husband’s desires?

A wife’s value begins with the design and intention of God.  She was made by God to unite with her husband and help him.  This help is not necessarily in the ways the man would dictate.  Rather, it is in the ways that the wisdom of God has discerned that husbands need.

A wife forces a young husband to face the issues of growing up.  It challenges a young man to see strength in that which may look weak to him.  It challenges him to learn to unify with someone who thinks differently than him.  It challenges him to come out of himself and choose to be intimate with another person in every way.

Will marriage fix the world?  No.  It can only challenge the world in the ways that God knows we need challenged.

All of this is to say that a wife has value before she does a single thing.  Part of living with one’s wife with understanding is valuing her as God does.  A good husband will not just patronize his wife but rather understand her total situation with grace and understanding as he builds a home with her.

A husband cannot change the culture surrounding him and his wife, but he can change the culture inside the home.

This leads well into the next point.  Peter calls husbands honor their wives as fellow heirs of the grace of life.  This clearly means to honor, or to value, them highly.  Your wife is a fellow heir (a joint-heir or co-heir).  Peter does not explain this fully.  We know that wives have an inheritance in God’s Church just as much as husbands.  Peter may be speaking of this in these general terms.  However, he may even see a further connection between a particular husband and his wife with what they will inherit both in this life and in the life to come.

Regardless, the challenge for husbands is to recognize that their future inheritance is impacted by how they treat their wives.

He says that they are heirs of the “grace of life.”  We can be too quick to jump to the understanding of this as eternal life, something that is in the future.  Yet Scripture tells us that God’s eternal life is even now pouring into the life of every Christian.  We can experience a kind of down payment on the grace of God.  The reality of our future inheritance ought to be affecting our present attitudes in marriage.

Finally, Peter challenges husbands that their relationship with their wife can affect their relationship with God.  Prayer is the mainstay of our relationship with God.  A man may be very religious in many ways.  However, failure in this area can hinder his prayers.  It doesn’t matter what people think about your marriage.  It matters what God thinks.

This reminds me of the instructions of Jesus regarding forgiveness in Matthew 5:24. If you go to sacrifice at the altar of God and remember that your brother has something against you, you should leave your gift at the altar and go your way.  First be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift.  If we have been abusing people in our relationships, or they at least believe they have been sinned against, we should not approach God in prayer without first dealing with it.  Of course, we can pray for wisdom in talking with them, asking forgiveness.  I believe this is what Peter is describing here.  If you are ignoring the plight and suffering of your wife, don’t expect God to be answering your prayers except for the prayer of repentance.

It is the things we do in private that make the public things of any value.  May God help us to see that He is not looking at the public personae we project.  He sees our private lives, our home life.  He sees the heart of our spouse and challenges us to live with them in understanding.

Witness 5 audio