The First Letter of Peter- 12

Subtitle: Our Witness before the World- Part 4

1 Peter 3:1-6.  This sermon was preached by Pastor Marty Bonner on Sunday, February 8, 2026.

Today, we will once again visit this area of husband-and-wife relationships.  We dealt with this when we were going through the letter to the Colossians (See Weekly Word October 12, 2025).  There Paul told women to submit to their own husbands.

We talked then about two very different approaches to passages like this: Complementarian and Egalitarian.  Essentially, we are asking what God’s original intention was in the Garden of Eden.  Was God setting up a hierarchal union or a horizontal union of two people?  A picturesque way to think about it is to use the idea of a team.  Is Eve given to Team Adam so that he would have a better chance of winning (“Go, Adam, Go!”).  Or is God asking Adam and Eve to unite in one purpose for the sake of Team Husband and Wife?  If you think the hierarchy is baked into God’s design, then you will be complementarian.  If you think it is a result of the fall, then you will be egalitarian.

Throughout history, women have found themselves in cultures that had a varying degree of respect for them from much to little.  Yet, wives, just like all believers, need to let Jesus be the Lord and focus of their relationships.

We are going to deal with men next week so hang in there, ladies, and hold your peace, men.  Let’s look at our passage.

Wives should submit themselves to their husbands (v. 1-2)

Some translations will say “be submissive,” but I don’t think this is as good as “submit yourself.”  God is asking women to choose something for themselves called submission.  The culture of that day had the husband as the ruler of his home.  Depending upon the husband, a woman could chafe severely under this expectation or be happy to do so because he was a wonderful husband.  We do have some differences between Roman and Jewish culture, but both of them saw the man as the head of the home.

Peter’s emphasis is on the way a wife can be a witness for Jesus.  This is why he follows up this challenge for women with a phrase of purpose, “so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”

Not all Christian women had believing husbands.  Peter asks her to submit herself to her husband in order to win him over to Christ.  He speaks of these men as being “disobedient to the word.”  This is talking about the Scriptures, but more specifically, the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Paul states it this way in Acts 17:30-31.  “Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent, “because He has appointed a day on which He will judge the world in righteousness by the Man whom He has ordained.  He has given assurance of this to all by raising Him from the dead.”

If your husband is a believer, then this whole area will take on a completely different complexion.  This is not an adversarial thing where we are fighting for dominance, but a mutual submission for the sake of modeling the relationship between Christ and the Church.  We should work together to glorify Jesus to a lost world.

However, sometimes that lost person is your spouse.  It is somewhat idyllic to think of laying your desires down in order to save another person, especially your spouse.  However, what if he never believes in Jesus?  Can I do it for God in order to glorify Jesus?  Is He worth it?

Peter speaks of the “behavior” of wives.  This conduct or behavior of submission is like the conduct of Jesus.  Notice that the verse opens with the phrase, “in the same way.”  This is referring to the section right before this passage that describes the example of Jesus laying himself down in order to save us!  Peter had given this as an example to household slaves, but he is now pointing wives back to that same example.  These slaves could be suffering under oppressive masters, just as some of these women could be suffering under oppressive husbands.

This may seem unfair and even evil to some.  However, there is nothing evil in choosing to follow Jesus Christ who sacrificed all that he could be in his mortal life in order to save us (while we were yet sinners even).

Wives need to look to Jesus as an example and as a source of strength particularly in situations where the husband is not reasonable. 

Peter gives two words describing this behavior.  “Chaste” is a word that is similar to holy.  It emphasizes purity.  Her life is not defiled with ulterior motives, ill intentions, and selfishness.  Rather, she is trying to serve God.

He also describes this good behavior as “with respect.”  An unreasonable husband who does not want to believe in Jesus may not be worthy of respect.  However, we can still respect the purpose of God in trying to turn his heart away from sin and towards the Lord Jesus.

Let me just give a caution.  God does not intend for women to be physically abused or even killed.  Peter is not talking about physical abuse.  In those days, there would be very little that a woman could do about physical abuse because the society around marriages gave little power to her.  Two thousand years ago a woman could not divorce a man.  If she was caught having an adulterous affair, he could have her killed.  On the other hand, if she caught him having an adulterous affair, there was little that she could do.  Yes, she could make his life miserable, but then that would make her life even more miserable.

In this unfair situation, God is asking wives to serve His greater purpose in the same way that Jesus did.  Women can only do this by entrusting themselves to the One who judges righteously!  God will make all our sacrifices worth it in the end!

Wives should adorn themselves with virtue (v. 3-4)

In verse three, Peter speaks about how a wife adorns herself.  She needs to adorn herself with virtue more than the external things that an ungodly world uses.  Peter lists three areas that were common for those days.  Though they come across as complete prohibitions, it is clear from other passages (see 1 Timothy 2:9) that this is not a prohibition but a call to modesty and proper focus on your internal spirit. 

Paul in 1 Timothy 2:9 speaks of adorning with “proper clothing, modestly and discreetly…”  The problem of objectifying oneself is often a self-preservation mechanism.  It is the one area in which women have power over men (to some degree).  Yet, this is the world’s answer, not God’s.

It was common for the upper-class women to copy the hairstyles of the nobles, seeking out extremely costly garments with costly jewelry.  Clothing could overtly accentuate sexual features.

This hasn’t changed all that much today.  Definitely the styles have changed, but the dynamics have not.  Sometimes we can be dressing as a means of elevating ourselves above other women in the group or community.  There can be class distinctions that purposefully keep poorer women in their place.  We should avoid outward adornments that focus on making ourselves the envy of others.

Of course, there are times when a woman can be dressing to feel powerful over men who seem to be unable to keep themselves from slobbering over a seductive woman.  The line of what is too sexy for public changes with the times.  However, the art of stepping over that line just enough to excite others but not be looked down upon has been practiced in every age.

Peter calls for wives not to focus on complex hair braids, gold jewelry and dress (expensive/seductive).  Instead, they should let it be the internal imperishable things. 

It has been said that beauty is only skin deep.  However, Peter is calling for wives to be beautiful all the way to the core of their hearts (“the hidden person of the heart”).  No one knows what is exactly in your heart, but our speech and actions demonstrate what is on the inside to some degree,

What is my inner life like?  Am I focused on being like Christ, or am I focused on me?

Peter particularly emphasizes two virtues: gentle (meek) and a quiet spirit.

Gentleness is the sense of strength under control.  It is not about being weak but being controlled. 

A quiet spirit is the idea of a person who is peaceful inside.  This person is not a raging sea of anger, ambition, and strong desires.  It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t say what you think.  It is talking about the peace that comes from the Holy Spirit dwelling within you and knowing that God is pleased with the way you are choosing to serve Him.

This kind of adornment is imperishable because it never grows old (the beautiful spend a lot of money trying to stay beautiful), and it never goes out of style.  This contrasts with the constant changing of trying to keep up with current fashion trends.  Instead, let Christ in you be your beauty.

The example of holy women in the past (v.5-6)

Peter then reminds wives of the godly women in the Old Testament who “hoped in God,” as opposed to their husbands or the things of life.  Their hopes were not in things, “I must have this or that!”  Their hopes were not in their husbands, “He must be this or that!”  Instead, they were looking to God to be their help in the present and reward in the future.

Peter describes them as doing what he has been saying, submitting to their husbands.  He then turns to Sarah and Abraham as his example.

Did Sarah and Abraham ever have any friction in their marriage?  Yes, they did.  Yet she is being used as an example of submitting herself.    This ought to make it clear to us that submitting oneself does not mean you can never put your foot down.

Peter doesn’t explain what he is thinking about when he says that she “obeyed Abraham.”  However, from the story, we know that she followed him into a foreign land.  She trusted that he was hearing from God.  She pretended to be his sister before Pharaoh.  So, we see that she followed Abraham’s lead even when he was being a blockhead.

Peter refers to her calling him, “lord.”  This is probably a reference to Genesis 18:12. This was actually an internal thought that she had when the man eating with her husband said that she would have a child.  Of course, that man was the LORD, and she was very old and couldn’t have children.  “Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I have become old, shall I have pleasure, my lord [Abraham] being old also?”

The point is not about the title, but about how Sarah is even internally respecting her husband.  Lord was a term of respect for a man of Abraham’s standing.

Peter declares that wives who follow the example of Jesus will be like Sarah, doing what is good (virtuous).  Such a woman need not be frightened by any fear on this earth (external or internal) because she is living for the Lord Jesus.

Wives can be a light to their husbands, to other women, and a light to the world around them.  In such a light, Jesus can be seen by those who are blind to truth.  May God strengthen all wives as they seek to serve Him.

Witness 4 audio