Matthew 5:31-32. This sermon was preached by Pastor Marty Bonner on January 14, 2024.
We continue looking at the first section of the teaching of Messiah Jesus called the Sermon on the Mount. He is comparing what the people were being taught by the leaders of his day with what he teaches.
Today, we look at the third section of the Law of Moses that Jesus explains. The first was about the law against murder. The second was the law against adultery. It seems that Jesus moves to divorce next since he was talking about a marriage already.
Also, I mentioned last time that Jesus focuses on moral, or ethical, laws, rather than on things that were intended to be symbolic, such as the sacrificial system and the dietary laws. He does speak to these in other contexts.
So let’s look at our passage and talk about divorce.
It is easy for people today to take potshots at the Law of Moses without respecting just how revolutionary it was for the surrounding culture and times. Jesus is not castigating, or destroying, the Law. Rather, he is taking the religious leaders to task for not understanding the heart of God in the Law.
A case in point is how people laughingly disparage the principle, “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” (Exodus 21:24, Leviticus 24:20). “All that will do is create a world of one eyed, toothless people!” Of course, this law cannot change the hearts of people, and God never intended it to change their hearts by itself. The point of this principle is to forbid overkill. If someone injures me, it is easy to want to do even more back to them. We see this in Genesis 4 with the story of Lamech. He justifies his killing of a man who “wounded” him by pointing to God’s grace towards Cain. “If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold,
then Lamech seventy-sevenfold.” Of course, he neglects to mention the curse placed upon Cain. If you lived in those days, you would have learned to fear getting on Lamech’s bad side. The whole earth became a place of overkill for infractions upon each one. It was a revolutionary concept to limit punishment to the same degree of the infraction. The point is not to be punitive, but to reconcile, to make things right.
In our case, we are looking at a law about divorce. It allowed divorce, but required a certificate to be given to the woman who is divorced by her husband. This comes from Deuteronomy 24. In this passage, the cause for divorce is described as, “…and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her…” There are actually two phrases that are tied together with a word translated as “because” that further explains the first general phrase. “She finds no favor in his eyes” is a very broad term that could be interpreted as anything you want it to be.” However, it is qualified by the next phrase, “because he has found some uncleanness in her…” Uncleanness is a word that generally has a sexual connotation to it. It would definitely include adultery, but could also incorporate sexual improprieties with another man that may not have gone as far as adultery.
The certificate of divorce may seem stupid to people today, but it served a real purpose. The man could not divorce on a whim, but would need to make the divorce public, and issue a certificate to the woman. The details of what was needed on the certificate, whether there was a witness, or the cause be stated, is not stipulated in the Law, but was left up to the people of Israel to determine. This added requirement would give second thoughts to a man, and keep him from taking advantage of the Law of marriage.
It would also be a protection to the woman, if she remarried. It would be proof that she is not worthy of death, but is truly divorced from her previous husband. Notice that this doesn’t fix anyone’s heart, but it restricts the ugliness to which their actions could go if unrestrained.
It is worth noting that Jesus is asked about divorce by the Pharisees in Matthew 19:1-10. They ask him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” This is important because there were two schools of thought on this in those days.
In the first century BC, two rabbis named Shammai and Hillel argued over what was an acceptable cause for divorce. Shammai argued that the word for uncleanness governed the passage, and so divorce was only acceptable in the case of sexual immorality. Hillel saw pointed to the first phrase and taught that divorce was acceptable if a wife no longer found favor in her husband’s eyes. Over time, the school of Hillel developed the idea of no longer finding favor from a woman being a bad cook, to the husband simply not finding her appealing, and instead, finding someone else more appealing. On top of this, by the first century AD (the days of Jesus), their were far more disciples of the school of Hillel in power. By the way, Saul of Tarsus and his Rabbi, Gamaliel, were of the school of Hillel.
Jesus does more than just say that he agrees with Shammai. He does something greater. He responds in Matthew 19:4-6 by pointing to the Genesis story of Adam and Eve. It was God whom made us male and female. When a man and woman come together, it is also God who makes them one flesh. Jesus then caps the teaching with a powerful command that blows past divorce to the whole purpose for marriage: “What God has joined together, let not man separate.” This challenges both people in the marriage with the purpose and actions of God. Are you resisting and rebelling against God’s purpose and work?
Of course, this gets a shocked response from the Pharisees. They ask why then did “Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” Jesus answers that Moses did not command, but rather “permitted” divorce because of the hardness of their hearts (he is particularly addressing guys here). Picture it. If a woman is in a marriage where a man wants rid of her, but he can’t because it is against the law, what could happen? He will grow to resent her, be angry with her, and he will be tempted to be abusive towards her. He may even wish she were dead. Some situations can become so cruel, wicked and evil that it is best for all involved to break it off. Yet, Moses still placed some stipulations on it.
Notice that the lack of repentance and forgiveness is at the heart of such cases. Whether lust, anger, frustration, or all of the above, if a husband and wife do not deal with the issues of their heart, then it will affect the marital relationship.
The teachers of Israel focused more on the proper way, acceptable causes, and form of a certificate of divorce, rather than on how divorce impacts God’s purpose for marriage.
The teaching of Jesus here highlights a fact of that day. A woman did not have the right of divorcing a man. It was something that was done to her. Thus, Jesus points the man to think about what he is doing to his “ex-wife” when he divorces her. The husband is putting her in a tough situation. First of all, a woman’s ability to make a livable wage in those days was extremely limited. She would most likely be force to find someone who would marry her, depending on her age. This would often not be her fault, i.e., she did nothing worthy of divorce. Jesus warns the men listening to him. “I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. He is causing her, i.e., forcing her, to be guilty of adultery. Society won’t think so because she has a certificate of divorce. So, why does Jesus see it as adultery? He is referring to a divorce that is not legitimate. Who determines if a divorce is legitimate? God does. Jesus is clear that God was not good with all the reasons they were concocting for getting a divorce. These men were letting the lusts and vices of their heart mistreat these women. They didn’t want to marry other men and become adulterers in God’s eyes, but they were forced to by an ex-husband’s hard heart.
Jesus doesn’t comment on the man who divorces here. But, in Matthew 19, he states that the man who divorces and then remarries is also an adulterer, unless there was marital unfaithfulness by his wife.
This reminds me of Malachi chapter 2. There, God takes Israel to task for covering his altar with tears and weeping. He is particularly speaking about divorced wives who were hurt by the divorce and the tough situation that they were placed in by hard-hearted husbands. In that passage, God makes it clear that He hates divorce. It should only be a last resort when a partner refuses to stay faithful to the marriage bond. Even then, God never commands divorce. If a partner is unfaithful, we owe it to the LORD to attempt to heal the marriage. Repentance and forgiveness are a hard road to walk out, but it can be done. That said, once a person has been unfaithful, the percentages are very slim of those who truly repent and turn away from infidelity.
This is a very hurtful and damaging area. There is no wound worse than finding out a spouse has been unfaithful. Jesus recognizes this exception to what he is saying. If a partner has been unfaithful, then they have broken the marital covenant. The faithful spouse has to wrestle with the reality of whether or not the marriage can be saved. Many times it cannot. Notice that, in the case of a divorce, the unfaithful spouse is already an adulterer. If they remarry, it is irrelevant if the marriage is considered adultery. However, what about the faithful spouse? Are they free to remarry?
It is good to remember at this point that though we are no longer under the law of Moses, we are still to seek to please the Lord Jesus. Paul mentions two more exceptions in 1 Corinthians 7:15, 39. The first is when you have an unbelieving spouse (not a Christian) who wants out of the marriage. They want a divorce. Paul says that God does not hold you accountable to the heart of the unbeliever. Presumably a person would be free to remarry in that case. However, if you read the chapter, you would recognize that Paul’s advice would be to remain single if you can. The last exception was the reality that when a spouse dies, the living spouse is no longer bound to them in marriage. The widow, or widower, is free to remarry.
So, in the case of divorce, we must always ask ourselves if God sees it as legitimate. God knows if you tried to save the marriage and the other person would not cooperate. It is probably best not to be too quick to remarry when you are divorced by a hard-hearted spouse. You can pray for them to repent and change their mind so that the marriage can be resumed and lived out as God intended. However, if they remarry, it is then time to move on, and let the Spirit of God lead you in what is next, whether singleness or remarriage.
God’s heart is that we stay faithful to Him, and when we do that, we will bend over backwards to be faithful to our spouse. If a spouse continues to take advantage of that in unfaithfulness, divorce will become inevitable. This is where we recognize that marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ’s marriage to the Church.
We should work hard to reflect this reality to the world through our marriage. The Kingdom of Messiah calls us to repentance and imaging God. The question is never, have I done anything sinful. The question is what will I do about it now that Messiah is calling me to follow Him into the Kingdom of God, where we are letting God help us to love one another, instead of sinning against one another.
Read 1 Corinthians 6:9-11. Notice this, “And such were some of you. But you were washed…” Kingdom believers are not looking for an excuse to continue in sin. However, we are sinners who have been washed by Christ and His Spirit from our sins. He is setting us free! We are not looking for an excuse to get a divorce. We are seeking to follow Jesus, and to image him to the world.
What am I displaying, imaging to the world? I can’t go back and change what I did, or what another person did. But, I can be washed and move forward clean before the LORD.
Some people married never intending to be faithful. However, I believe that the larger number are those who married hoping and expecting it to be something wonderful. They then find it to be hard work, and sometimes not as fun as we imagined. We can be tempted to “want someone better.” Perhaps, we just picked the wrong person. Surely, the next person I pick will be the right one!
Yet, the truth is that we are kicking against the goading of God. Marriage is God’s way of getting a hold of our heart, and teaching us to deal with some bad things in our flesh. We can resist the work of the Spirit through our relationship with our spouse. We can use the failures of our spouse (they are only human) as excuses to blame the failure on them. Marriage challenges us to grow up emotionally, and spiritually. However, not everyone wants to grow up. Many reject God’s purpose for marriage, and continue down a path of an egoistic, even egotistic, focus. Growing up is not easy, but it is not only good for us, but good for everyone around us.
It is sad that we can treat the holiest of things in life, like marriage, as merely another way to have a good time. When we don’t take marriage seriously, we try to have fun with it. Eventually, it will no longer be fun. Thus, we have a high percentage of adults who have not grown up emotionally, and especially spiritually. Let me just say this. A perfect marriage is one that challenges me to grow up in Christ. May we surrender to him.
I will finish by highlighting that God does hate divorce, but He doesn’t hate you if you have had someone divorce you, or be unfaithful to you. Jesus, of all people, knows what it is to have a covenant partner reject you. He was even put to death by his. When you look back at a divorced marriage, you will see all the ways that you were not perfect. You may feel guilt and even wonder if God can love you. You might wonder how you can move forward. I will just say this. Jesus loves you, and knows how you feel. Give yourself to him and he will pour his healing into your heart. It will take time, but the Rejected Lord knows how to minister to a Rejected heart.
May God help us to take marriage seriously and shine the example of God’s heart for “Whosoever will” (John 3:16).