Today we will focus on Malachi 2:13-17. The topic at hand is divorce. Now in those days divorce was a “male” thing. Women really didn’t have the right to divorce their husbands. So I believe that even though this was written to chastise the men, it should be received by women today. Specifically, those who are divorcing merely because they don’t love their spouse anymore, ought to pay close attention to the rebuke of the Lord.
This is a further clarification of what we talked about last week. The men were not just marrying women who were worshippers of other gods, but they had divorced “the wife of their youth” in order to do so. This is the classic move of drop the old nag and pick up a young play thing. Whenever we treat marriage as something that is meant to please our flesh then we grieve the heart of God and set ourselves up for punishment. Let’s look at the text.
Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman in which they enter into a relationship that God created and designed for His purposes. Those who try to redefine marriage for their own purposes do so at their own peril because when those purposes clash with God’s He will defend it.
Marriage is mainly witnessed by God. A man and a woman commit to each other, but at the same time they are making a commitment to God. That commitment is to honor God in the relationship. We also have friends and family who will also witness. But don’t be deceived. When we treat marriage lightly and dissolve it for reasons other than unfaithfulness and abuse then we are breaking a commitment to which God will hold us accountable.
In verse 13 God points out that their action of forcing a divorce for selfish reasons was filling his altar with tears. This set up the situation in Jerusalem of God hearing the weeping of women because of their ill-treatment on one hand, and, on the other hand, hearing the prayer of those men who caused the pain asking for Him to answer their prayers. Now today, a similar thing happens within churches. However, generally, divorced couples go their separate ways and attend their separate churches. Sadly, they go on praying for God’s blessing, all the while a grieving ex-spouse is telling God their pain. I know that not every divorce is like this. Sometimes both parties amicably agree to split. However, just because we don’t take marriage seriously doesn’t mean that God doesn’t take it seriously. Breaking our commitments (whether in marriage or in business) will bring the punishment of God. And, if we don’t respond it may eventually bring His wrath upon us.
God wants our prayers for our spouse to be ones of thankfulness and joy. When we bring grief to our spouse we are fighting one of the purposes of God in marriage. If our prayers are to be filled with tears let it be because of suffering at the hands of sinners, not supposed believers. God despises the prayer for blessing of those who are causing pain in the lives of others. It behooves us to question whether we are a source of pain in others lives? Am I sinning in a way that is causing pain to others? O, God forgive me and help me to make it right, or rather vice versa.
In verse 14 God reminds them that He is a witness of their commitment. We are not just hurting a spouse when we harden our heart and refuse to walk the path of God. We are also hurting the heart of God. We are breaking our covenant with Him. It boggles my mind how people can reject God’s Word in this and yet think He is pleased with them and will “bless” them with a better spouse. When we bail out of a marriage because we are just unhappy, we are bailing out on God. Even if you do find someone else who “makes you happy,” something good in you that God was doing will have died. Can there be forgiveness? Yes, of course. But let us not minimize the damage and sin that divorce is. This is why most marriages are solemnized with the phrase, “till death do us part.” Not the death of our love, but physical death. Those who made up such vows did so because they recognized how serious marriage was to God. God is not absent and aloof. He witnesses all covenants whether relational or business. When we go back on our word and break such contracts it brings a curse upon our life and our land, until we repent and make things right with Him. Thus all such commitments ought to be made carefully, with much prayer and fear of the Lord, because ultimately we are asking Him to bless them.
In verses 15-16 He reminds them of two of His purposes in marriage. The first is to make them one. We may have our own personal reasons for marrying, but recognize that it is a “holy” thing. It is a relationship that has been set apart by Him for His purposes. God wants to take men and women and use marriage to make them a unit in body, spirit, and task. Now the spirit part God does automatically when we covenant with each other before Him. I can’t explain what He does. But in His eyes we are spiritually one at the commitment altar. However, we are the ones who must work together to become “one” in body (sexually), and task. Learning to work together as a unit does not just come naturally. Over their lifetime a couple is continually learning how to work together as a unit (or not learning).
The second purpose is that God seeks godly offspring. He wants to take that faith in you and have you reproduce yourself in a child. This child will take your place in the next generation. He doesn’t just want kids, but godly kids. This is an issue of godliness in the next generation rather than population. In fact, for those who have infertility issues, we can recognize that some are called to use their lack of biological reproduction to embrace spiritual reproduction. The key is not biological reproduction, but rather spiritual. We can do that through adoption, foster-kids, or complete focus on ministry and raising up a spiritual family of people you have brought to the Lord, discipled, and continue to love.
Next He talks about the treachery of divorce. Everyone has selfish motivations that surface from time to time throughout marriage. However, when we betray our commitment by forcing divorce, we are demonstrating that the selfish motivations have won out in our heart. We have collapsed and surrendered to the onslaught of our flesh and its desires. But divorce is no solution. First it treats the other person as if they were just a meal. You toss it aside because it doesn’t taste good anymore and move on to something better. But humans are not food. When we toss food aside God may shake His head at our finicky nature. But when we toss humans aside, He is not pleased at all and regards it as treachery. He also told them that it was a violent act. In fact He gives them the picture of a garment that is splattered with dirt, or mud, or blood. In His eyes they were parading into His temple praying for blessing, all the while their garments were covered with blood (the evidence of their violent nature). Do not think God is pleased with such actions. Divorce is a great spiritual, emotional, and psychological violence that is very difficult to heal and impossible to erase the scars. The irony is that many who abhor violent movies or are pacifists will quickly embrace the violence of divorce, simply because it makes their life easier (or so they think). Many in our society suffer from PTSD not just from the violence of war, but from the violence of wrecked relationships and broken covenants. You cannot embrace divorce for such reasons without impacting your own spirit and the spirit of the spouse you toss aside. It is spiritually devastating. However, to the broken spouse, God can heal you. And, to the spouse who did the breaking, God can forgive you, if you recognize the hideous nature of such sin and repent before God, begging forgiveness of the one you injured. Why do we refuse to walk the path of life and instead stubbornly walk a path of death praying for God to give us life?
In verse 17 God points to the ultimate problem: they no longer had a fear of the Lord. It is one thing to have the idea of sin surface in our heart and mind. It is quite another to embrace it over the top of the Word of the Lord and our covenants to Him. This reveals a horrendous lack of the fear of the Lord. Now such fear should not be the mainstay of our relationship with God. But when temptation comes there must be the baseline of the fear that such a thing would devastate our relationship with God. These people had ceased to believe that such actions impacted their relationship with God. In fact, we would be safe to say that their relationship with God was fantasy. They continued traditions and prayed for blessing and forgiveness. But, in their heart they believed that those who did evil were blessed by God and that the God of justice was absent. They had become practical atheists. Their belief in God was a shell with no life inside. O friend whether God is speaking to you now about marriage or another area of your life, don’t make the mistake of treating sin lightly. It really is the path to death and you really will receive such death over the top of the Fatherly rebukes of God. In fact that is what we have here. God being faithful to point out their sin and call them back to Him. How about you today?