Last week we looked at Genesis and the beginning of marriage. We saw how marriage was God's idea, not ours. Adam didn't present a request before God asking for a wife. God saw Adam's aloneness and created for him a mate. Thus marriage is something that is good for men and for women. It gives them companionship and teaches then what real love is.
However, God has a deeper purpose than just helping humans have good relationships together. He also is teaching us about himself. We are going to Ephesians chapter 5 today.
As Paul discusses issues between husbands and wives he takes time to remind them that their marriage serves a greater purpose than just to make them happy and further the human race. Part of God's design in marriage is to be a living analogy that will give the world a glimpse of the relationship between God and his people. He reminds them in verse 31 that God's purpose was for marriage to make them "one flesh." Now becoming one flesh, true, is physical. But it also has an aspect that is within, that is our mind will and heart.
Also, it is important that we recognize that this oneness is not a mystical or magical thing that happens once the pastor prays over us or we say our vows. Sure we may be connected in a spiritual way. But married people quickly find out that oneness is something that has to be worked towards and maintained. Marriage has a way of making us face issues that could keep us from operating with one purpose. However, notice that the oneness is a picture of the oneness of life and purpose that we should have with God (vs. 32).
Now Paul hammers home this oneness in verses 28 and 29 by reminding spouses that just as they take care of their own bodies by nourishing them and caring for them, so, they should care for each other in like manner. To injure your spouse both physically or emotionally is to injure yourself, which clearly is madness. We could cynically say that Paul is leveraging them with fleshly motivations, i.e. you are helping yourself to love your wife. But Paul's argument is far more foundational than that. He is flatly explaining that this really is the case. God really has connected you with that other person and how you love them or not, will impact you personally. It really is a logical no-brainer for Paul. If God says he makes husbands and wife's "one flesh" than woe to the person who operates from a different mentality. Jesus warned us of this when he said, "what God has put together let no one take apart." You really can't even call it wisdom. It is the practical action following belief in what Scripture says.
Do you love your spouse like you do your own self? Notice this is presented not so much as a sexual thing (i.e. nurture/care). It is a picture of a healthy relationship. Years ago, Marriage Seminar speaker, Gary Smalley used the analogy of a plant. He pointed out that there are things that a plant needs to grow and there are things that are detrimental to its growth. So too we can do things that either help or hinder our marriage. What are some of the things that are needed in relationships? We need love, affection, respect, praise, encouragement, forgiveness, and kindness; to name a few. What are some of the things that are not needed in relationships? We don't need Anger, physical violence, manipulation, harsh words, blame, bullying, nagging etc... The picture that Gary Smalley gives points out the need to serve one another. If I only give you what I feel then each of us as plants will quickly wilt, wither, and die.
Now let me challenge you with this. What if, when you get to heaven, God were to say, "Okay, I am going to reward you by giving you everything you ever gave to your spouse." How many of us would immediately be thinking that if we had known that earlier we might have been nicer to our spouse? But isn't this similar to what God is saying here? When you sacrificially love your spouse you are actually loving yourself and not just in relation to this world. Don't be a fool and act in a way that would not only bring injury to your spouse, but also bring injury to yourself. Don't we realize that this is exactly how God loves us? He nurtures and cares for us like a loving husband. He has laid down his life out of love for us. If he doesn't save a people to himself then he will bringing grief, sorrow, pain, and suffering upon himself.
Now, in verse 31, Paul mentions that a husband and wife should separate from their parents and connect with their spouse. When a member of a marriage refuses to restrain inordinate, parental relations they directly impact their ability to connect to their spouse. This doesn't mean you have to cut-off all contact and never interact. However, marriage will teach you when you is out of bounds. It will cause trouble in one way or another. This is intended to teach us about our need to separate from this world in order to cling to Jesus and become of one life and purpose with him.
Notice how Jesus did this for us. He left his home in heaven to be incarnated on this earth. He separated from heaven that he might come down and connect with mankind. Their could be no oneness if he didn't do this. Now that we have accepted his offer of marriage, he has gone away to prepare a home for us, The New Jerusalem. If, while we wait for him, we are in love with the things of this world, that unfaithfulness draws us away from the oneness we are supposed to have. Marriage really has been all about helping us to understand why and how we need to do this. All of this is so that we can truly understand God's offer of intimacy in Jesus Christ.
Lastly, Paul mentions that Jesus loved the Church by laying down his life for it. What is it that I need to die to? What inordinate affections pull on my heart, vying for my attentions, pulling me away from the heart and purpose of Jesus?
Let me challenge you first within the confines of marriage. The biggest question in your mind should not be how can I get what I want. But rather it should be how can I best serve them. What is it that they really need in order to be what God has called them to be? We are free to love one another, but Galatians 5:13 says, "Don't use freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." Whether you run from its lessons or not, you will have to face the lessons of love. In fact even if you do not marry and aren't interested in God, you will have to face the hard facts of love. Perhaps this is why so many marriages are failing today. Perhaps, we are just to afraid of what love teaches us about God and his designs towards us. Perhaps we just don't want to be like him.
Lastly, let us realize that these are pictures of God's love for us. Let us realize the lengths to which God is willing to go in order to bring us to himself. Just as a man cares for his new bride, so our Lord Jesus Christ, cares for the Church. In fact, being God, I dare say he cares for more deeply, because we have great need of learning what true love is.